Days like these....

i will keep it short, as on mobile, and it seems to hate blogger.com and the enter key. 

its 9am on a Saturday. Normally i would be diving into Gods word with my husband given quiet time (thankyou love) but i left Bible on couch. 

so, praying instead, and feeling really overwhelmed. so much to pray for. so many people. so much going on. is life meant to be this way? 

days like these i crave the bush... well, i actually crave home and to be with God in peace, but noone ever likee hearing someone say 'i want to die' ha ha. dont worry, no risk of suicide here ever. i know God can take me home anytime so while im here, He has more for me to discover :-) 

but oh, to be in the bush. no technology. no cars. no pressing to do list. no have to be here or theres. 

do you ever feel this life we create for ourselves is too fast?

xK 

Maccas Bible Verse....

A short one, as it's school holidays, and I have two little nudie kids needing their mums attention!! About to collect the older two from a sleep over, then off to a farewell party, then to fill the trailer, then rubbish tip, then to collect some wood.... blah blah blah.

Big day! But had to share this verse with you as it made me smile!


"Why spend your money on food that does not give you strength? Why pay for food that does you no good? Listen to me, and you will eat what is good." Isaiah 55:2

Now, I know this isn't specifically about McDonalds - but I love how God makes verses personal.

He knew that I would come across that verse at this moment in my life while thinking about my Maccas fast and how it would impact me. Love it!

I imagine Him smiling at me, having a chuckle, hoping to catch my attention... I hear You Father. Thank You! :-) I know You are with me.

Have you had any experiences like this in your relationship with God while reading His word??

Argh - I can hear milk and marbles out there!!! Better go!

Have a lovely day!!

xK

McDonalds Addiction Update

I wrote about my McDonalds addiction a while ago and posted it on the Imperfect Mum blog here (can you let me know if this link doesn't work??)

I went really well since writing this! (pat on the back for ME!) and I survived a month without McDonalds! Yeay! (28 days is the recommended amount to kick an addiction I am told)

EXACTLY (freakishly) one month after I stopped eating McDonalds, was the day that I started my road trip down south for a family funeral. A very difficult family funeral.

I travelled as the only adult in my car (my parents took their own car and I met up with them days later) with 3 kids in tow. I'm not trying to justify my actions - but if you have been on a road trip with 3 kids, driving along the Qld coast - you would know how hard it is to avoid drive throughs!! Especially when you are hungry and time is precious.

And so, the fast was broken....

Now - back home again and weeks later, I have fallen into old patterns again. Time for a boot in the butt - and God gave it to me yesterday!!! In a big way!!

I was driving to school to collect my eldest 2 children. I had just finished doing some study on God and money - and I posed the question once again to God about how much we spend and save. I stressed we are strapped for finances and I feel I am unable to be as generous as He makes me passionate about, due to funds being so tight.

In my hand, I held a $20 note. This was for a school friend whom I owed the money to as she had bought some bulk meat for me. (in an effort to save - and get more iron into me!!) I had the windows down (again, saving money with no aircon) and was praying as I drove about my feeling strapped for finances.

Suddenly, quite comically, the $20 slipped loose, did a dance, and flew out the window!! EEEKKKK!!

Of course, like a begger, I pulled over and proceeded to walk the middle of the highway garden to look for the $20.

Cars passing, wind blowing, hope diminishing - and still praying. Why God? What's the purpose in this? Why now? Why this interruption??

Then I saw it. The first bit of McDonalds rubbish. Then another. Then another... another. And it hits me.

Doesn't look so appealing in B&W!

As I scrounge the ground for $20 - I'm throwing more than this away each week on this junk.

Junk that doesn't last. Doesn't fulfil. Doesn't benefit.

I don't remember the food I ate last week, so why must it be so expensive?!?!

...and then I find the $20. Lesson learnt. I hear you God. Thank You for this daily bread.

Collecting my 2 older children, they ask why I am late and I share my story. They agree and now we are all encouraging and helping one another to stay Maccas free again....

With God's strength we can!

xK

Is life too good??

I'm away camping at the moment. Love the ability to type a post while so far from civilisation! I have a love/hate relationship with my smart phone. Yesterday, I was collecting small sticks with my 3 year old for the campfire. He ran back to his daddy to show off his collection, leaving me under the tall pine trees, observing my family from afar. What a beautiful moment! Was speaking with God in that moment also, thanking Him for His gifts in my family. I reassured Him (or myself?) that even if they were all taken from me, I would still praise His name. Was good to say that aloud. Suddenly I remember those who are killed for His names sake. Locked in jails, seperated from family and lived ones, persecuted heavily. Here in Australia, life is not so difficult. Besides loosing the respect of a few mates perhaps, we have life very easy as belivers. So what are we to do with this freedom? The gift of being born where we are? "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake and for the sake if the Good news, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?" Jesus Himself spoke this Himself to the crowd and His disciples. What does this look like in living? In real life? Am I fulfilling this calling? Being here, camping, am I being selfish? Or is it right to pass onto my children the desire to get out of routine and enjoy the natural surroundings? Is life meant to be harder than this God? We complain and grumble when we don't instantly get what we want in this cushy part if the world. But to us who is given more, is more expected from us? More freedom? More finances? More love? Show me what is expected please Father...

Todays Daily Bread

I had an 'ah-huh' moment this morning during my quiet time. I read 2 devotionals when I wake in the mornings. One is 'Jesus Calling' by Sarah Young. Beautiful. The under title is 'Enjoying peace in His presence' and it does open my eyes to do just that. I have given numerous copies if this book away too - we could all do with more peace right? :-) It also has a couple if scripture references to line up with the days reading, to reaffirm what Jesus is calling to you in His word. I like that. The second is one that challenges me. 'My utmost for His highest' by Oswald Chambers. The copy I have is a pocket one I stole from hubby. It was given to him as a gift by a beautiful couple, back in 2005 (the front page tells me!) A lot of the times, this deep thinker goes over my head, but I often find a sentence or two that God speaks directly to me through. I love that my prayer partner also LOVES this book - and her copy is nearly 50years old I think she said? And she says the book is still teaching her.... So todays 'ah-huh' came from my utmost - under todays date if you are reading along at home :-D Sept 11. Lately I have struggled with our purpose here. Mainly mine, in raising kids. For my eldest 2 kids, I put all time, energy, heart, strength etc into making them the best kids possible. It took a lot - and I confess I made an idol if them. The eldest especially. God popped my illusion bubble of 'I'm in control here' a few years back (Praise God) and so I've really relaxed in the huge task of pressuring my kids to be the best. Will share that story another time. But now, I struggle with the time I have with my 3 year old at home. Only yesterday, while baby slept, 3yo and I had time together. What I wanted to do - was chuck on a kids DVD and have me time to read Gods word. I can't seem to satisfy this God given hunger for it these days! Weird! But instead, I tried a few more practical activities. It was SO difficult. My brain ran a million miles an hour and scoffed at my 'waste' of time. We tried Lego, cards, ball game outside, filling balloons with water (his favourite) and in the end - he asked me to read, while he watched a DVD. Ha! And so, I question this role as mother. Am I doing what you want God? I appreciate the time I am blessed to share with my kids, but it is not challenging me anymore. I know that when they reach school age, they all pretty much are at the same level anyway right? My Utmost: "Notice the kind of people that God brings around you, and you will be humiliated once you realise that this is actually His way of revealing to you the kind of person you have been to Him. Now He says we should exhibit to those around us exactly what He has exhibited to us." Wow. "The very character we exhibit in our present surroundings is an indication of what we will be like in other surroundings. The things Jesus did were the most menial of everyday tasks, and this is an indication that it takes all God's power in me to accomplish even the most common tasks in His way." It goes on about trying to prepare who you are in a hard time is like trying to make weapons in the trenches. We won't last. So what are those who are near me teaching me? How are they showing how I treat God? So often I am humbled that God is patient and sitting by me while I learn what He already knows. Just being beside me and being available when I need Him is comforting. So must I persue with my 3yo. One of the greatest things I want to teach him while I am home with him is that mum (and dad) are here to help and guide and teach and direct. We desire to talk to our children. When my kids test my patience, with being disobedient and feeling I am reteaching over and over, I will remember how many times I too need to relearn lessons! And when my kids forget all I do, have done, have given up and sacrificed for them - I will shoot a prayer heavenward thanking my Heavenly Father for all He us still doing, has done, has given up and sacrificed for me. ThankYou for this bread Lord. ThankYou for your gift if humbleness. ThankYou for your disciplines. ThankYou for sitting by my side and teaching me again and again. xK

Great 'church' last night!

So, Monday morning, another week ahead! Eeek!

But I still smile at the memory of church last night. I needed that!

Had a bit of a melt down yesterday afternoon, with hubby still away working and 4 tired kids - and one super exhausted mummy! I went to the docs a few days ago actually about this tiredness that is looming over me more and more these days, which is rare for me as I really don't see the doctors much! Results on Friday.

Anyway, was once again asking God for help and the strength to get through the afternoon (He delivered. Again. Wow!) without too much more drama.

When hubby did come home (yeay!!) he relieved me of my kids and 'set me free' to attend church alone. Was beautiful to be able to have adult conversations, uninterrupted by little people.

Please don't get me wrong, I LOVE my kids dearly - but I too need a break - and it was a wonderful time speaking with others who were keen to share what God was doing in their lives and how faithful He is.

The church service was a little different too - with it being set up outside, with 3 guitars and 4 people sharing in the microphone who don't normally speak up the front. Was really beautiful hearing each of their testimonies of how God has spoken to them.

Us humans forget all too soon the good times - and so wanted to write about it here so that I can recall once again when I feel like I need it. Thanks to all those I spoke to who made the night special :-)

xK

Sunday morning - I should be at church right?

Good morning! So, sitting here in my baby's room while she unwillingly falls asleep. She is a stubborn one! But I have often thanked God for that - and pray she would use it for good, not evil :-) Husband has taken the older 3 kids to the playground. He worked all yesterday, so we didn't see much of him and he is planning to work again this afternoon. It's a tough one, as clearly I know we are meant to have one day a week to rest right? And he didn't have that yesterday and he won't today. Back to work again tomorrow too! Hmmm.... I was quite happy with his decision to stay home from church this morning, as I got cabin fever staying home with the 4 kids yesterday :-s (school holidays 2 weeks away!) Those kids need some daddy attention and one of my main 'love languages' in case you can't tell is quality time - so I needed to see him too. We are heading into church soon though, for the annual meeting. Then, while husband goes to work, I am planning to go to a churchy BBQ, so will get a good dose of fellowship there :-) and, if kids all go to bed well, husband says I may be able to attend church tonight. Not trying to justify my actions of not going this morning, but just making you aware its not because I don't want to. I do love going to church! But sometimes, I think people put church in the wrong order of things. Anyway - wondering what others think about not attending church 'religiously' - do you? Are their certain things that you put above church attendance, such as family time? Or work? I can't help but think if work didn't get in the way this weekend, then we would be at church now. Husband doesn't normally work weekends, so not normally an issue for us. But, with the car breaking down last week, we are seeing the oppertunity to work as one given by God. Plus, husband also likes the guys he gets to work alongside today, so he enjoys it too. We are planning on camping next weekend, so guess that will mean no church as a family then either! Uh-oh! :-) Lucky I'm not too deeply troubled by those who Tsk Tsk at attendance. As long as my heart is right, I'm alright right?? :-) xK

Anxiety. Again.

anx·i·e·ty/aNGˈzī-itē/

Noun:

A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.

I don't get anxious very often - or maybe that's just what I would like to tell myself :-)

There are a few things that make my pulse race and make my mind trip into overtime and one of them is people coming over to my house *sick stomach*

I am trying to get better at this, as most who have come over in the past have said some very nice things about coming over. (Why can't our minds accept and remember compliments more?!?)

But there has been one or two incidences where someone's (unintentionally) said hurtful things, and this is what I hold onto and sadly feel EVERYONE thinks these things ALL THE TIME when they visit. (sounds silly now when I think about it of course - but still true)

My beautiful, wise, elderly friend (who once came for dinner) tells me this is 'stinking thinking' and so I try to eliminate those voices with the positive ones - but I still struggle with it.

Even today, I had organised a few days ago for a friend to come over on a whim, and it has been eating at me when I remembered. This person I have known for YEARS and has never had an invite to my home before. How terrible of me!  

I guess because my home is me in the open, and to have someone just walk into that and be able to pass judgement and comment carelessly is dangerous to me. This is my husband, kids and myself and how we live - trying to not be affected by the worlds standards of what a house should look like.

My walls are covered in what inspires me - including some kids dirty hand prints.

My floors carry the mess that I know most great mothers would of picked up the instant they see it.

My benches filled with kids drawings or photos that create cluttered and disorganised look.

My yard is full of junk that the kids imagination goes wild with. An ice cream bucket becomes a helmet. A towel an island. A piece of rope the reigns of a horse - and of course the idea of putting it back after never crosses their minds!!

To just walk in, you would see mess.

But if you live here, you would see what kids do with that mess.

The most beautiful comment I have ever had on my home, was at a mothers group when we were talking about house descriptions. I don't think it was even said to me!

A mother was sharing that she has heard of houses being described as clean, tidy, small, large, homely or cold etc - but never has she walked into a house and described it as 'Godly'

My neighbour then replied "Well, clearly you have never been to Kelly's house then" 

Even now, I have goosebumps as I recall that :-)

Thank You Father that I could hear such a comment, for that is my hearts desire - to represent You. I ask you Father that I would get over this "stinking thinking" and invite more into my home. I always love it when people are here - and the kids do too! I always say afterwards "I should do that more often" and yet this stumbling block keeps tripping me over...

Does anything make you anxious??

Monday Monday Monday.... ARGH!

I had written this post a while ago for The Imperfect Mum blog - but thought I'd put it here for now. Maybe if Kristy asks for it in the future...

Serious case of Monday-itis today! 

Had a full weekend, dropped the older kids to school this morning, and now home to this BOMB of a messy house! 

"Looks like a dog’s breakfast!" i can hear my dad say in my head!! ha ha! 

What happened here?!? How?!? I don't remember having a massive party at all, although it sure looks like it! Stuff everywhere!

I'm trying to get better at de-cluttering. Trying to have a place for everything - and i admit i sure am better than what i was - but mornings like this are terrible! What's the point of it all! Over it! Wanna chuck in the towel! (and I’m not talking 'doing washing' here, although that needs to be looked at too.... Argh!) 

That's a bad place to start thinking though.... and that's when i start to spiral. 

"Does anyone notice?"

"What's the point in cleaning, it's just gonna look the same tomorrow..."

“I can’t believe he left that there! I’ve told him soo many times!! (80/20! Ha ha!)

“Why is it always up to me?”

"I almost wish i had some sort of employment, cause then I'd have an excuse for it to look this way!"
"You're a full time mum Kelly, and you can't even keep the house in order!!"

.....down down down. 

Suck it up Kell (and once again, NOT in the vacuum sense! Although, that needs to be done too.....ARGH!!)

Snap out of it. You know where this leads, and NO ONE benefits from that!! Take a time out. Walk the yard. Look for truths. Positive ones. Dig out of this hole.

And today, my first positive was the ‘The Imperfect Mum’ community! There is some sort of lift in knowing we are not alone in this. I think that’s why facebook / twitter / social media is so addictive. Just to here someone else say:

“WE ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS!”

We were not made to be alone, which is why i think I.M keeps people coming back. There is peace in knowing someone else has been through the same pit we are in. So that we know we are not the only ones in this. 

Anyone out there hear me?? Anyone get me on this?? Anyone else get Monday-itis?!?! Can relate to the Bomb house pit??? Can i here a yes from someone?!?! Anyone?!??! Cause today, i need it!!

And now.... how do you get out?!? Tell me your secrets!! Share! Please! 

x Kelly

Fathers Day 2012 - Done and Done

So, another Fathers Day over! 

Our day was lovely, but busy as always. We live in the same town as both sets of parents - so these days are normally filled with visits and family gatherings, which I don't mind - especially with my renewed passion for catching up with people more.

So, wishing my husband happy Fathers day at home with the 4 kids (very excited about wearing their new shirts!) then church, then home for little one to sleep, then out for lunch with the in-laws, then bikes at the park with the kids, then home for a bit before dinner at church and a DVD (Courageous) I came home early to get the younger kids into bed, and husband has just arrived home now after the movie.

A great satisfaction of the day for me was to see an editing project I had been working on the last few days up on the screen at church. One of the pastors interviewed a few men in the church about what they have learnt, and what they wish to pass onto their children. Was beautiful!

I was an editor before having the kids, so it is nice to go back and feel the joy in creating again. One day I will have more time to do some of my own work, but for now, I do love these little challenging projects (as time consuming as they are!!)

Time for bed now to read a bit more.... Sleep well!

xK