Early morning post..... Coughing little girl

*cough cough*

I lay next to my 2 year old and my heart breaks for her. I just want to take it away. Because I know how important sleep is. Especially as I lay awake beside her at 1am, knowing my mobile alarm will be ringing in only a few hours.

I pray, again, that God would take it away. In Jesus name, quoting scripture, begging again and again, and I wait... and her breathing changes, and I wonder if a miracle has happened...

....then the coughing happens again. Argh!

Then my anger, frustration that He hasn't heard me. Or maybe that He has and doesn't care. Or that He has heard, He does care and still thinks it is best that she continues to cough on. Why? Is there something I must do? What am I learning here Lord?

I get a cup of warm water, honey and lemon - wake her slightly enough to sip through the straw - "Yucky" she then says and turns away from me. At least I know some got in there!

Blankets, changing the fan, moving pillows - what else? What can I do?Should I be at the doctors more? Why do I dislike medication so much? Is drugs the answer? Should she be taking that medication?

Guilt streams in - is it her diet? The dust in her vacuumed-every-other-day room? The food I feed her? Why can't I be more like the healthy mums? Watching numbers and checking colours.

Spiraling down... down... I beat up myself. Do I have too many kids? Not enough time? Too stretched? 

I shake myself from this stinking thinking. I've been in this dark place before. It does not help. 

I move rooms - and focus on Him instead. I can't sleep, so I listen for Him. What does He want to say to me at this time...

I read the words in a post, and they resonate with me. So I message it to myself. And now I share it with you.
"Stay here. Hear"

...from Ann's post: When you're waiting for a message from God
Hours later, over the words of the song that is on repeat, I can now here the birds. I suddenly realise that I can no longer hear the coughing. When did that happen?

Sometime between me taking my focus off the problem and focusing back on Him. 

Today's daily bread. Much earlier then I would of liked - but there are some things more important then sleep. And sometimes, it is the only time He can really get my undivided attention.

Forgive me Father, and thank You for loving me that much

xKelly

How do you know you have the Holy Spirit?

Something I have been thinking on recently, how do you know that God lives in you?
(Would love people to answer this one!)

Sometimes I feel like I have chosen God, but I wonder if I have been chosen by Him. Where is the evidence of Him in my life? How am I living differently to those who don't have the Holy Spirit within them?

There should be a dramatic difference right? This is GOD we are speaking about. In me!! Why can I not see more evidence of this?!?!

Hubby says he can see differences in me that only God can do. The changing of my heart in certain things. Increase of the Fruit of the Spirit as I grow closer to Him. Takes a while though... and sometimes I wonder if that it is just me trying really hard and following His Word, or by listening to sermons, it is God in the preacher who is guiding me - instead of the Holy Spirit within me.

I guess the loss in desire to sin would be evidence? I place pleasing God higher in priorities then my own comfort or desires. Scripture says our flesh and God's Spirit are at war - so there should be obvious evidence there?

(Galatians 5) So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions.

I really just want to make sure that I am His child, and not just misleading myself and working on these things in my own strength and fooling myself. There are so many 'good' people out there, who don't have the Holy Spirit, and I wonder if we are just doing things in our own strength? Being good people...

Previously, when I've looked at this and asked God for confirmation, I came across this verse:

Galatians 4 - And because we are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, “Abba, Father.”

That gave me Peace, as He is who my heart cries out for! And when I do go to Him, He does provide that Peace :-)

....But then, is this any different to the new age prayer who prays to whatever they think is God?!?  

I don't know what I'm looking for - as I know that even casting out demons or miracles are not true 'evidence' either. (Matthew 7: 21+)

Well, regardless, I am still going to continue following Him and His Word - to who else would we go right?? :-) And I hunger to hear from Him more. God knows that I am seeking this at this time....

Would be interested to hear your thoughts?

xKelly

When I had my Wake up call....

I've recently awakened to the fact that I put a tremendously huge amount of pressure on myself to get this gift called 'life' right (I'm not even sure what 'right' is meant to look like!?!) and I'm still trying to work out if this is a good or bad thing.

I guess a lot of what one thinks is because of what one absorbs - and the material that I've been reading or listening to the last few years is not exactly 'light'. I mean, I listen to sermons in my free time! How weird is that?!?!

How did I get here?

I think this kick up the butt started December 2011 (how is that for specific??) when hubby asked me to order a book for him for his birthday (his birthday is 9 days before mine) and the book really got my attention on the way I was living. I did give it to him, but then took it back and had a speed read through it before my 30th birthday arrived a few days later....

The 30th birthday is significant too - as I know from scripture Jesus began His public ministry at 30 :-)

I still remember the day I finished reading it, a day or two before my 30th, and hubby came home from work, finding me on the floor in a sobbing mess, confessing before God how shallow my walk had become. I was tired of living a lukewarm life and asked Him to change me.

Hubby, on this day (to cheer me up I think?) gave me my Birthday gift early, which also told me that the child I was carrying was a daughter. What an emotional day :-)

Since then, I have a heightened awareness of the preciousness of time and how valuable it is. How quickly it is running out. And how accountable I am to our Father with all the blessings He has given me.

I became hungry to serve Him well, to read His word and know Him better - and I craved message after message on His design for us to live and His wisdom in my life. With these messages also comes guilt too - and thus brings me to where I am today... I don't mind guilt - it shows me that something needs work - but I'm just not sure on how to do that work.

I'm still learning, and tripping, and stumbling - but I keep being humbled and falling to my knees before Him.

Even today, when life does throw unexpected curve balls at me (today's examples: Child with separation anxiety, car not working, children being sick, dealing with child poo etc) I wonder why I am messing around with all this small stuff and what difference am I really making to His kingdom?

I'm not sure if it's a control problem, or I'm just frustrated at the way these things suck up my time - but when I ponder these things over, I find myself worrying about things that I can't change and realising I just need to put one foot in front of the other.

Anyway, just today's thoughts and ramblings....

xKelly

Ever since I first heard of your strong faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for God’s people everywhere, I have not stopped thanking God for you.

I pray for you constantly, asking God, the glorious Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, to give you spiritual wisdom and insight so that you might grow in your knowledge of God. 
I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope he has given to those he called—his holy people who are his rich and glorious inheritance.

Ephesians 1

Cleaning Cobwebs!

School holidays - lots of opportunities for God to give me daily bread here with 4 kids in tow... if I listen that is! ha ha!

Confession time - I have never cleaned the cobwebs from my roof before today. Well, not that I can remember anyway.

I spontaneously bought one of those fluffy cobweb cleaners yesterday - which hubby said was a bit of a waste of money - but after I showed him the difference this morning, he was even impressed!!

As I was doing it, I thought of why I'd never bothered before. As the dust flew around the house I now knew why I guess :-) Sometimes it's just easier leaving that stuff there, tucked away out of sight (kinda) and not really needing attention.

I then felt that revelation feeling - like when God taps me on the shoulder or opens my eyes.

Sometimes we don't like to deal with that difficult situation in our life, because of all the extra work it may create. All the extra dust that flies off.

If I hand over that habit to God, then I would have to not go back to it any more in hard times.
Or if I forgive that person, I will no longer be able to hang onto that hate or hurt towards them. Sometimes it's easier to leave the cobwebs right?

Over the last couple of years, I've realised I tackle things head on more often - especially with the knowledge that God's never ending amount of Love is only a prayer away and with Him we can clear this junk out. I try to keep short accounts with God, and when He reveals something in me that is not of Him - I aim to clean it as quickly as possible.

I can notice the difference in my life, not holding onto that extra baggage, and asking God to keep on revealing cobwebs in my life that need cleaning out.... I feel more free!

Are you brave enough to pray the end of Psalm 139 too? It's not always fun - but the house feels better with it gone :-)


Search me, O God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
²⁴ Point out anything in me that offends you,
    and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

xKelly

I don't feel like swimming today....

Wow - over a month since a post! Apologies! :-) Thanks to those who have come up and spoken to me of the things I have written here though. Nice to know I'm talking to someone *smile*

Back from a weekend at Melbourne. Was my first time in Melbourne (I think?) and I loved how similar the scenery is to Adelaide (where I was born) with the gum trees and changing weather. But the water tastes so much nicer!!!

Husband and I went without any kids (thanks to my wonderful child minders! You know who you are!) and the silence at times was SO loud. Amazing feeling.

The reason we went down was for a family members book release (more on this another time) but today, back to reality - and it's a mixed kind of day. The book is called 'Heartbreakingly Beautiful' and that pretty much sums it all up.

Below you will find a link to a song for an artist named 'Ann-Maree Keefe' - I heard her sing live at the book release - how amazing is that? Only a few weeks ago, my husband came home saying that he had found a song I would like (which I did) and then I get to see her sing live at the book release. Wow! Co-incidental? ;-)

So, sitting here with mixed emotions, listening to her music - and this song comes on. Thread of Gold

Yep. She says it all. Love the Lyrics :-)

Enjoy!

xKelly

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BD-SDL57Wug

Ann-Maree Keefe (Album: Time of the Day)

Don't feel like swimming today
The sky hangs heavy and the seas turned grey
And the currents would drag me down and away
Away away

I don't feel like singing today
The song in my souls not willing to play
And my thoughts are all in deep disarray
Hey hey

Still You hold my soul
With Your thread of Gold
Still, You hold my soul
With Your thread of Gold

And it won't be broken

Don't feel like lying today
If anybody asks me 'how was your day'
They'd be sorry to hear the things I'd say
But I probably wouldn't anyway


Still You hold my soul
With Your thread of Gold
Still, You hold my soul
With Your thread of Gold

And I won't be broken...

I don't feel like flying today
My heart hangs heavy and the skies turned grey
And there are only a few words you will say
Trust and Obey

And there's only one thing at the end of the day

Trust and Obey
Trust and Obey 

I have a special education child :-)

It didn't really hit me until we visited the classroom where my son will now be going once a week, and I saw this sign on the building. Special Education Unit.

Now the rest of the world gets to hear what I already know - just how special my child is :-)

For those who don't know, our 3rd child was born with a hearing disability (or like I told my daughter when she asked, he hears the world differently to us)

Since birth, we have been in and out of audiologists, speech pathologists, E.N.Ts and now, he has been signed up to go to Special Education classes once a week.

For me, personally and honestly, it has never been an big issue. Some days I even wished they hadn't done the newborn hearing tests and that they hadn't made us aware that he may be different to other kids. When I speak, I know he can hear - and for me, that seemed like all he needed.

Sure, sometimes I did wonder if he was ignoring me when I asked him something, or was he just being a normal 3 year old - and I think for this reason, we have been softer on him when handing out rules or discipline. We just don't know.

At times it can be very frustrating having to go to so many appointments -  especially when most appointments require quietness, meaning our youngest child can't go along (thanks mum!) so extra driving, plus having to explain to my upset son he can't go to Nanna and Puppas like his sister, because we have to go to another appointment where they will tell you to be quiet, or still, or respond when told.

Another hearing test. Put the bead in the box when you hear the noise...

Of course, I'm not complaining, as the people we are dealing with are all trying to help my son - and I am so so appreciative of all the services available to children with different hearing abilities (it's amazing!) - but it's not always easy. 

I am thankful for the insight it has allowed me to glimpse into the world of crazy for those who have children who do have so many special needs and uncomfortable appointments here and there. BIG applause for you mums who do this so much more often then I have had to.

At one stage, I broke down on the phone to the lady from the hospital who was my point of contact. It was all too much and was now starting to effect his lifestyle and put added stress on us. She was very understanding and asked what areas I would like to look at specifically.

For me, my two main concerns were his speech (as I didn't want him ostracised for his hearing) and to find out if it would effect his ability to learn. She then made the appropriate appointments for us with speech pathologists and examinations to test his current learning level, rather then booking us in to see everyone for everything. Since then, the appointments have been more manageable.

I also told her that I am SO thankful we have never been told he would have to be operated on. I get teary thinking of those who would have the doctor recommend their child has to undergo a knife for their benefit. What a gut wrenching decision. Thank you Father for saving me from making such a decision.

I know God created my son this way for a reason, and whatever that reason is, I don't want to change him any more then I have to.

In fact, I would prefer it would be US that needs the changing. More education on how to teach him differently. More understanding that he may need to hear AND also see our face or mouth or body to hear directions. More love and patience to see the world through his eyes.

Isn't this what makes all 'Special' kids special? :-D

This has all really made me appreciative too of the body and so many things we take for granted. It's not just a case of sound goes in and our brain can hear it. There are so many possible areas that need to be looked at. How marvellously we are made! Who but God could create something so amazing? So precise! 

Inside an ear. Apparently. Easy stuff... ha!

...and how often those of us with no hearing problems (or other health concerns for that matter) take these things for granted. I often think of this verse when overwhelmed by all this:

"Ears to hear and eyes to see— both are gifts from the LORD." Proverbs 20:12

Have you told Him thanks today for your gifts??? :-) The blessings we often take for granted?? The colours we see and the ability to hear? He didn't have to give us those things, but did!


So, from here, we will continue to keep an eye on our special boy. Kindy is watching his development there as we may still need hearing aids or devices to help him in classroom environments.

I watched him in his first day of class, and I could see that we do need to work on a lot before he's ready for full time school next year. He surely isn't at the level his older brother and sister were at his age. I just need to stop beating myself up for that also. (Oh mother guilt, go away!!!)

This special education unit looks FANTASTIC and I'm so excited to see how he will be growing from these lovely ladies. They have already noticed a few things from the short time I was there watching, so looking forward to learning from them.

Learning through play. Love it!

For us, we will continue to try and use our whole body to communicate with him. Get down on his level and make sure he understands. Work on his speech homework and comprehension.

My son will often respond to those who ask him questions with an 'Uh-huh' rather then a yes or no. We are still trying to work out if this is because he is uncomfortable, because he can't hear or understand the question (so 'Uh-huh' usually covers it) or if it's just the quickest way to get them to stop talking to him and it's pure laziness. Cheeky monkey has been getting away with a lot! :-)

One thing this experience has done for me though - is made me appreciative of all of my kids and also other peoples kids as individuals too. We really don't know who out there is struggling or not. Maybe the kid who is having trouble in school also can't hear? Or has never been taught how to comprehend. Teachers have an amazing mission ahead of them...

I've really enjoyed the one-to-one time I've been able to spend with my son with his needs (be it, most of it in the car driving - but we have had some great conversations and singing together!) and I get teary thinking he is growing up too fast as well. He turns 4 next week. 4 years already! Wow! 

My little man's first of many hearing tests, Nawww....

Anyway, enough rambling! Getting teary again.
Thank You God for all 4 of my special kids. Love them all! :-)

Thank YOU for listening to my heart and allowing me to pour it out for you...

xKelly

Leaving our church??

Church life has been interesting for us the past few months....

My husband and I were really impressed recently with a local pastor and the way he handled and counselled some close friends of ours. We've heard about his preaching and when we were unable to find any of his sermons online, decided to visit his church one morning instead of our usual church.

We've heard of people leaving this church because of the way this man preaches and how 'legalistic' he apparently is. But I don't mind that kind of preaching. I'm quite use to it after hearing Paul Washer and John Piper sermons :-)

In fact, I WANT to be corrected and re-align each week to know where I am out of line with God's word. I want to hear how it is not me, but God in me that is doing the good work. I want to hear the message God has specifically given that pastor because of his deep prayerful time with God and where the Spirit has led him to teach his congregation.

I'm not in church to feel better about myself or to have my ears tickled - but to hear the truth and know where I am being deceived, as painful as that may sometimes be. And packing up 4 kids and getting them prepared for church is not an easy task. I'm not complaining - but I don't want to waste the time God has given me here.

We were really impressed with his message - and it was even a double confirmation in a few personal areas in my life where God has been teaching me personally. Only God can do that. Really felt like the Holy Spirit at work, like the message was aimed right at me and what I was dealing with - and hubby said he felt the same.

After a few weeks of us talking about what makes a church 'home' and why we are at ours etc - we decided to visit the church again - as the pastor had been away and this would be his "this is what the year will bring" message. We would also have the 4 kids with us too - as they make it harder to concentrate and needed to see if they knew any other the other kids there.

It was once again encouraging, as was the double page write up he had done about how it is all about Jesus and this is what this church will be all about. Wow.

That night I attended our regular church again - and tried not to compare preaching. Quite difficult of course :-) But instead of hearing the pastor preaching - I asked God over and over to hear HIS voice in it and through it. I don't want to hear a man - I want to hear Him.

The scripture the pastor was referring to that night really spoke to me. Strangely, I don't think in the way the pastor meant it - but I heard God through it.

"Then Elijah stood in front of them and said, “How much longer will you waver, hobbling between two opinions? If the Lord is God, follow him! But if Baal is God, then follow him!” But the people were completely silent." 1 Kings 18
I felt God ask me the same question - but asking me personally how long will I waver between the two churches. (Not at all implying here that one is 'Gods church' and the other 'Baals'!!)

After church, I went to a quiet place to pray alone, as this stirred me deeply. I mourned over how much time I was possibly wasting in wondering and praying over this and was upset that I was wasting God's time and I was possibly upsetting Him. Were we wrong to wonder where we belong?

I have been attending the same church for 20 years now, and in the past have thought of leaving - but only ever if someone has annoyed me or upset me *shame* but at this time, there is no event or 'reason' to leave. Does there need to be one? Our church is good - but I want GREAT! Life is too short.

We love our church a lot - but I'm not here to be comfortable in this life. I want to be where I am most effective for God. I want to be around other passionate people for Christ.

In this quiet time with God, I looked back over the past few years, and I saw that we have been slowly falling out of fellowship in so many areas. Our home group is with people from another church. My mums group is with a group of ladies from another church again. My prayer meetings are usually with people from yet another church again. I understand that church isn't 'the building' as such, it is the people, and I love meeting anyone who wants to talk about God! Just don't know why those people aren't from our church!

Hubby was in a strong men's group from our church, but that has evaporated in the past 12 months. They hardly catch up these days. I no longer worship through the week with my church, after stepping down from the music roster when I was pregnant and I even have to drag my kids along to kids events these days. What's going on?!?

There really wasn't a great deal keeping us put. Was this God or the enemy making it so easy for us??

One big difference I noticed that Sunday between the two churches is one was familiar, and the other wasn't. One I knew all the faces and names, but the other I felt like stranger and I had to approach others to start a conversation (most of which was them asking 'why are you here???') One I knew where my kids could go, and the other I didn't know what they could or couldn't do. One I felt at home, the other I felt like a visitor.

I understand these are probably teething issues. That if we were to make the other more permanent, these things would go away. If I gave the other church 20 years, it would be more familiar also.... But, how can I be certain I have another 20 years? Is it not a waste of time to do all that again???

Here, at our church, they know us. We are family. Our opinions matter. We can make a difference right now! If I were to ask to hold prayer meetings, the response would be 'when and where' rather than 'who are you and why?'

And so, I came home from that time with God with a new view. That if we are to stay in the church we are in, we need to work on a few areas where I feel God is showing me. Writing them here will keep me accountable :-)

* Prayer - I need to pray for my church more. Maybe hold more regular prayer times at the church to pray with other members too. We can do nothing without God, and in humbling ourselves we remember He is the driver.

* Relationships - need to be involved in more fellowship within our church. Fires are hotter when the coals are together. Take one out and it gets cold faster. While I love meeting with so many other believers from around churches in Cairns, I need to be serving in my church and investing in these people here too.

* Ministry - I have a heart for Kids ministry and teaching not only my own, but others children about God also. I do love my youth group on Friday nights and the opportunities this brings. Maybe I need to help in a Sunday morning ministry also, to encourage my kids to be involved?

* Music - I wanna worship God with others!!! Why the Cello has been on my heart recently, I do not know. I haven't played it for years! I don't even know if I still can :-) Would love to hear a Cello in church and bring new instruments into God's house.

* Men's group. Hubby loves those blokes! (in a totally masculine way!) Maybe it just needs a woman to get them meeting again?? ;-)

* Faith and Evangelism. The topics our church is focusing on this year. It doesn't matter what we do if we aren't doing what Jesus asked us to do right?? Need to step out more to strengthen my faith, and Love the world more to strengthen evangelism and share this great Love with them!

And so, we soldier on at our current church :-) I know ultimately, it is hubby who decides where our family will serve, but while we are in this church, I'm hoping to serve with all the strength God gives me :-)

...and hopefully, we can continue to hear the other pastors messages through other means :-)

xKelly

Love seeing God's love - Mobile Phone

Ok, 7:20am and I should NOT be here right now. I have 4 kids to get ready for school and Jeremy has already left for work, so it's just 'me' being the grown up, and this normally doesn't go well. Tee he he!

BUT, you know that full, overflowing, bubbling feeling when you see God working in your life and you just HAVE to share it with someone RIGHT NOW - yeah... I got that :-)

Will try to keep it brief,

The other morning, Jeremy asked how he could pray for me that day. We started this 'habit' after watching the 'From this Day Forward' series from Lifechurch.tv. (I really recommend it for ALL married couples!) and I casually said pray for me and my mobile phone habit.

In the peak of the hot day, when Erika sleeps and Daniel (if he is home) is busy playing the Wii - I often sit in my aircon room playing some sort of mobile phone game. I know, not a 'sin' - but still, not the most productive thing I could be doing with my time either. So, I wanted to kick it.

Didn't think much more of it, until that afternoon when Jeremy was home for lunch. We sat in the aircon (it's been HOT here these days!!) and chatted.

While we chatted, I multi-tasked playing my phone. He comments that his 'prayers didn't work' jokingly and we had a giggle. I said I can talk and play at the same time as I'm a good multi-tasker like that. It's a girl thing :-)

That night he wanted to 'fix' my phone, as it's screen is cracked. Has been for a while. Don't ask who cracked it. It's a sore point ;-)

I do believe that he tried really hard to do so, but he woke me later that night saying he had really really broken it. At that point, I didn't care. (He WOKE me remember!!!) But I could tell how genuinely upset and angry at himself he was. Poor boy. I thought my not caring would help. (I also think the whole thing has brought up his deeper feelings... hmm... but more on that another day)

So, yesterday, first day without my phone. WOW! If you want to know if you are addicted to something, take it away!! Eeek! I wonder if they have nicotine patches for mobile phone addicts?

I wondered how my usual texting buddies were, wondered how the school would contact me if there was an emergency, wondered what my bank balance was, wondered how my monsters in the game Leanna and I play together were being fed, wondered how I was going to not Google the ever important question I had.....  How much I rely on that silly thing was CRAZY!

This morning, in quiet time, I decided to get back into "Jesus Calling" again. I had not done this as a morning devotional for about a month now - as someone challenged me that maybe I was listening to too many 'other' voices instead of just Gods word. They thought this was the reason for my inability to enjoy quiet times with God recently, so I had put "Jesus Calling" aside.

CRAZY part, is that I asked Jeremy to get my book for me before he left for his meeting - re-affirming how much he loves me and I love him. Then, next CRAZY is I opened it on where my bookmark was - Jan 11, and read the first line "Trust me by relinquishing control into My hands" ha ha.

The next CRAZY is the note to myself from 2012 which says 'My mobile phone won't charge! Thankyou for taking control Lord :-)" Wow - this jolly phone was an issue for me a year ago too!!!

...and finally, last CRAZY, today's dates reading has lines such as 'Come to me and Rest' / 'When your focus turns away from Me, you grasp for other things' / 'return to Me; regain My presence'

So then, as I step back and see what God has done, once again, by taking my phone, I see how much He also wants me to focus on Him. I see how much He loves me. And by asking Jeremy to pray - I also see Him kinda laughing and saying, "Well, you asked for it!!!" :-D Yes, I did :-D

I have a feeling today's quiet time is going to be awesome....

Thanks for listening xKelly

Friends are Awesome :-) Rocky Road

Hey all,

It's raining - and my only goal for the day (besides keeping the 4 little ones alive - so far so good! Yeay!) is to get some washing done, as these rainy days are making it difficult to keep the wardrobe full!

That's the tough thing about minimising possessions, is when you have a couple of constant rainy days and no chance to wash n dry on the line - you suddenly have no underwear and a family of 6 sharing the one towel! Ewww!!

And so, as I wait for another load to finish washing, before I take me and my book to the laundromat, I wanted to reflect on the highlight of my day so far which is talking to a friend on the phone. I don't often call people, I am more of a texter, but you sure can fit a lot more in right??

I think this is why I love prayer so much. And writing. It really is good to get out in words what has been happening up in the mind - and my mind has really been in overdrive for some time.

So, when my friend asked 'How's life' this morning (It's been a while since we've caught up!) it gave me a chance to be real and share what God is doing in me while walking through the valley this year so far.

Sure, I could of said 'yeah great, everything is fine!' and she would know no different, but how much greater to share what we are truly struggling with and drudging through and how God is working. She may have had a shortcut for me to get through the mess or even be struggling with something similar and helped me feel less lonely.

I love being transparent with people. Sometimes I think this could be a bad thing though, as I feel I talk or share too much perhaps? Do I? Is this why people avoid me??

Someone shared with me recently I had put a fear of 'giving birth' in them after hearing about my birth story. I was surprised! My 4 have all been 'good' births to others I've heard about - but didn't think it right to share that with this childless person at that time....ha ha!

But should I not be so transparent?? Since my renewed passion in Christ - I've cared less about what others think of me or my reputation. Is this a bad thing? Do I shoot myself in the foot by sharing that I'm Imperfect?

Seriously - we are all human, we all make mistakes, but I would like to think you won't judge me as 'unworthy' by my past or struggles - just as I won't judge you - as long as we have learnt and moved on from these mistakes right? We are really only answerable to One right??

What better way to encourage another by sharing "Yeah, I use to do *insert hidden past here* but God showed me and convicted me and I have since been growing" How could we then hold their reputation against them?? How discouraging to keep beating the person with their sins and dragging them down....

Some lyrics to match what I'm trying to say - thanks NewWorldSon. 'Rocky Road'
Man, I love lyrics :-)

There's a road, it's a rocky road, lined with sticks and stones.

and it's a road, where the thistle grows, and the freeway never goes, 
But even though this road is long, everybody's welcome on, this rocky road
Now were all, doing the best we can, we hurt from head to toe

and we fall, short of heavens plan, we stumble as we go

but even when we all done wrong, everybody's welcome on, this rocky road
Casting stones, even though were all sinners. Pointing fingers and calling out names

the rocky road, there ain't no-one among us, Without blame, on the rocky road
How can I, with this log in my eye, count your spots and scars?

Oh Why, why should I even try, to put you behind bars

When I need Your love to carry on, we gotta help each other along, this rocky road...

Washing done - I'm outta here! Have a great day fellow Rocky Road travellers! May you also be blessed with a friend to lighten your load xoxo

xKelly

Coin on the Wall

 Happy New Year everyone!

Just had an experience that I want to document, and so while on school holidays, with 4 kids continually disturbing and asking me questions - here I am!

I've been having a good break from the computer for a while actually... and I now know why.

When I have my own agenda, I am the type of person to want to get it done right there and then. And anything that stops that from happening, pushes my buttons. Right now, I want to write this post - and so these kids - asking me for drinks and telling me their stories, while I love them dearly, are extremely frustrating at this time.

Story of my life really :-) But I should learn to adapt as I know it hinders me from getting things done....

ANYWAY - coin on the wall.

Recently I caught up with a good friend, who has a lot of contact with people from different churches and denominations and she shared a few different testimonies and stories of what she had heard. Talk of miracles, healings etc - one of them being about the coin on the wall experience.

One of her friends shared, about the idea of putting a coin on the wall, and asking God to keep it there.

Straight away my head jumped into skepticism mode. Why do I do that? What am I immediately protecting when I haven't even anything to protect?!? Making up excuses or reason before even stepping out myself...

She shared her experiences with it and what she had seen. That a child tried it and with great ease, managed to have her coin stick for several days... and really, thought not much of it. "Yeah, I asked God, and He did it" kinda mood. Childlike faith :-)

Another lady tried it and when it stuck, she cried tears of Joy, exclaiming that "God really does love me!"

(...but to those it didn't work for, does that indicate He loves them less??)

My friend continued to share the number of people who tried it and it didn't work at all. For some it did, others it didn't. Couldn't really explain why - other then the level of faith perhaps?

As my friend was speaking, I wanted to put a coin on the wall right there and then. But of cause, the fear of failing prevented me from doing so in such a public place, with a witness. How crippling that fear must be in my walk to increase my Faith. Wow.

This morning as I woke, I remembered the conversation and the coins left in my purse from my change (Not normal) and decided to try before I got out of bed. And try. And try. Couple of seconds perhaps, here or there, but nothing worthy of being amazed at.

I'd read the night before (yes, of course I googled it!) about the idea of heat being trapped between the coin and the wall, so tried rubbing the coin also. Nothing.

Husband, who I had shared the story with the previous night, caught on to what I was doing and watched a bit, but didn't comment. Off he went to get ready for work....

Finally, the coin stuck.... to my finger!! :-( Hmm.... Felt God was taking the mickey outta me!! :-)

So I stopped, asked God why, and pleaded that I really needed this at this time. He knew my walk of the past few weeks has not been where I have wanted it to be. I'm in a bit of a hole and don't know why. He knows me better then I know myself...

Scripture came flooding to my mind and so, I attempted once again, with His words in my mind and praying them.

Stuck.

Long enough to whip out my camera and document it too!

Husband wasn't there to see it (or my insides filling with Love and thankfulness) but my little girl was, and even she was amazed. Thought she would copy mummy and give it a go herself... Very cute!





A few minutes later, my coin fell (which my daughter found amusing) and I had been too scared to try again.

My first thought, is that I don't want to ask God to waste anymore miracle on me, but then I laughed at myself, remembering that this is God I'm speaking of :-) He is limitless!

Over brekky, I shared with hubby what had happened and he wanted to see the photo. Not that he doubted my testimony, but that he wanted to experience it too. He said his head went instantly into 'reasons' mode as well and how, scientifically, this would be possible. (including the heat between the coin idea)

I heard that voice in my head then, asking me to try my ring.

Without a word to him, I took off my ring, held it to the wall, prayed again the scripture that came to mind, and took away my hand. And it stayed.

We both just stared at the ring on the wall for a while, and each other, until it fell. He then said he wouldn't of believed it if he hadn't seen it, and it also took away the heat trapped theory. He asked how hard I pushed it into the brick / paint and maybe that was it...

I asked "Couldn't we just accept that maybe we have been blessed with a miracle?" Jesus said Himself "I tell you the truth, anyone who believes in me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works, because I am going to be with the Father" in John 14. Why can't we read Scripture as Black n White??

I then thought I would try a kitchen utensil (as I read about through my research last night) and grabbed a fork, tried the same process..... and the fork quickly fell to the ground :-) Hubby and I both laughed :-) 

So - anyway - still in a bit of a daze about it all - and already my mind is trying to reason and excuse out of what I have seen and experienced this morning.... but it surely has increased my faith, which is a good thing right?

I'm trying to read scripture as black and white these days - and this really does match up with what I'm reading. I just need to get my head and myself out of the way :-D

Comments? Thoughts? Doubts? Ideas? Would love to hear from you....

xKelly