Leaving our church??

Church life has been interesting for us the past few months....

My husband and I were really impressed recently with a local pastor and the way he handled and counselled some close friends of ours. We've heard about his preaching and when we were unable to find any of his sermons online, decided to visit his church one morning instead of our usual church.

We've heard of people leaving this church because of the way this man preaches and how 'legalistic' he apparently is. But I don't mind that kind of preaching. I'm quite use to it after hearing Paul Washer and John Piper sermons :-)

In fact, I WANT to be corrected and re-align each week to know where I am out of line with God's word. I want to hear how it is not me, but God in me that is doing the good work. I want to hear the message God has specifically given that pastor because of his deep prayerful time with God and where the Spirit has led him to teach his congregation.

I'm not in church to feel better about myself or to have my ears tickled - but to hear the truth and know where I am being deceived, as painful as that may sometimes be. And packing up 4 kids and getting them prepared for church is not an easy task. I'm not complaining - but I don't want to waste the time God has given me here.

We were really impressed with his message - and it was even a double confirmation in a few personal areas in my life where God has been teaching me personally. Only God can do that. Really felt like the Holy Spirit at work, like the message was aimed right at me and what I was dealing with - and hubby said he felt the same.

After a few weeks of us talking about what makes a church 'home' and why we are at ours etc - we decided to visit the church again - as the pastor had been away and this would be his "this is what the year will bring" message. We would also have the 4 kids with us too - as they make it harder to concentrate and needed to see if they knew any other the other kids there.

It was once again encouraging, as was the double page write up he had done about how it is all about Jesus and this is what this church will be all about. Wow.

That night I attended our regular church again - and tried not to compare preaching. Quite difficult of course :-) But instead of hearing the pastor preaching - I asked God over and over to hear HIS voice in it and through it. I don't want to hear a man - I want to hear Him.

The scripture the pastor was referring to that night really spoke to me. Strangely, I don't think in the way the pastor meant it - but I heard God through it.

"Then Elijah stood in front of them and said, “How much longer will you waver, hobbling between two opinions? If the Lord is God, follow him! But if Baal is God, then follow him!” But the people were completely silent." 1 Kings 18
I felt God ask me the same question - but asking me personally how long will I waver between the two churches. (Not at all implying here that one is 'Gods church' and the other 'Baals'!!)

After church, I went to a quiet place to pray alone, as this stirred me deeply. I mourned over how much time I was possibly wasting in wondering and praying over this and was upset that I was wasting God's time and I was possibly upsetting Him. Were we wrong to wonder where we belong?

I have been attending the same church for 20 years now, and in the past have thought of leaving - but only ever if someone has annoyed me or upset me *shame* but at this time, there is no event or 'reason' to leave. Does there need to be one? Our church is good - but I want GREAT! Life is too short.

We love our church a lot - but I'm not here to be comfortable in this life. I want to be where I am most effective for God. I want to be around other passionate people for Christ.

In this quiet time with God, I looked back over the past few years, and I saw that we have been slowly falling out of fellowship in so many areas. Our home group is with people from another church. My mums group is with a group of ladies from another church again. My prayer meetings are usually with people from yet another church again. I understand that church isn't 'the building' as such, it is the people, and I love meeting anyone who wants to talk about God! Just don't know why those people aren't from our church!

Hubby was in a strong men's group from our church, but that has evaporated in the past 12 months. They hardly catch up these days. I no longer worship through the week with my church, after stepping down from the music roster when I was pregnant and I even have to drag my kids along to kids events these days. What's going on?!?

There really wasn't a great deal keeping us put. Was this God or the enemy making it so easy for us??

One big difference I noticed that Sunday between the two churches is one was familiar, and the other wasn't. One I knew all the faces and names, but the other I felt like stranger and I had to approach others to start a conversation (most of which was them asking 'why are you here???') One I knew where my kids could go, and the other I didn't know what they could or couldn't do. One I felt at home, the other I felt like a visitor.

I understand these are probably teething issues. That if we were to make the other more permanent, these things would go away. If I gave the other church 20 years, it would be more familiar also.... But, how can I be certain I have another 20 years? Is it not a waste of time to do all that again???

Here, at our church, they know us. We are family. Our opinions matter. We can make a difference right now! If I were to ask to hold prayer meetings, the response would be 'when and where' rather than 'who are you and why?'

And so, I came home from that time with God with a new view. That if we are to stay in the church we are in, we need to work on a few areas where I feel God is showing me. Writing them here will keep me accountable :-)

* Prayer - I need to pray for my church more. Maybe hold more regular prayer times at the church to pray with other members too. We can do nothing without God, and in humbling ourselves we remember He is the driver.

* Relationships - need to be involved in more fellowship within our church. Fires are hotter when the coals are together. Take one out and it gets cold faster. While I love meeting with so many other believers from around churches in Cairns, I need to be serving in my church and investing in these people here too.

* Ministry - I have a heart for Kids ministry and teaching not only my own, but others children about God also. I do love my youth group on Friday nights and the opportunities this brings. Maybe I need to help in a Sunday morning ministry also, to encourage my kids to be involved?

* Music - I wanna worship God with others!!! Why the Cello has been on my heart recently, I do not know. I haven't played it for years! I don't even know if I still can :-) Would love to hear a Cello in church and bring new instruments into God's house.

* Men's group. Hubby loves those blokes! (in a totally masculine way!) Maybe it just needs a woman to get them meeting again?? ;-)

* Faith and Evangelism. The topics our church is focusing on this year. It doesn't matter what we do if we aren't doing what Jesus asked us to do right?? Need to step out more to strengthen my faith, and Love the world more to strengthen evangelism and share this great Love with them!

And so, we soldier on at our current church :-) I know ultimately, it is hubby who decides where our family will serve, but while we are in this church, I'm hoping to serve with all the strength God gives me :-)

...and hopefully, we can continue to hear the other pastors messages through other means :-)

xKelly