Anxiety. Again.

anx·i·e·ty/aNGˈzī-itē/

Noun:

A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.

I don't get anxious very often - or maybe that's just what I would like to tell myself :-)

There are a few things that make my pulse race and make my mind trip into overtime and one of them is people coming over to my house *sick stomach*

I am trying to get better at this, as most who have come over in the past have said some very nice things about coming over. (Why can't our minds accept and remember compliments more?!?)

But there has been one or two incidences where someone's (unintentionally) said hurtful things, and this is what I hold onto and sadly feel EVERYONE thinks these things ALL THE TIME when they visit. (sounds silly now when I think about it of course - but still true)

My beautiful, wise, elderly friend (who once came for dinner) tells me this is 'stinking thinking' and so I try to eliminate those voices with the positive ones - but I still struggle with it.

Even today, I had organised a few days ago for a friend to come over on a whim, and it has been eating at me when I remembered. This person I have known for YEARS and has never had an invite to my home before. How terrible of me!  

I guess because my home is me in the open, and to have someone just walk into that and be able to pass judgement and comment carelessly is dangerous to me. This is my husband, kids and myself and how we live - trying to not be affected by the worlds standards of what a house should look like.

My walls are covered in what inspires me - including some kids dirty hand prints.

My floors carry the mess that I know most great mothers would of picked up the instant they see it.

My benches filled with kids drawings or photos that create cluttered and disorganised look.

My yard is full of junk that the kids imagination goes wild with. An ice cream bucket becomes a helmet. A towel an island. A piece of rope the reigns of a horse - and of course the idea of putting it back after never crosses their minds!!

To just walk in, you would see mess.

But if you live here, you would see what kids do with that mess.

The most beautiful comment I have ever had on my home, was at a mothers group when we were talking about house descriptions. I don't think it was even said to me!

A mother was sharing that she has heard of houses being described as clean, tidy, small, large, homely or cold etc - but never has she walked into a house and described it as 'Godly'

My neighbour then replied "Well, clearly you have never been to Kelly's house then" 

Even now, I have goosebumps as I recall that :-)

Thank You Father that I could hear such a comment, for that is my hearts desire - to represent You. I ask you Father that I would get over this "stinking thinking" and invite more into my home. I always love it when people are here - and the kids do too! I always say afterwards "I should do that more often" and yet this stumbling block keeps tripping me over...

Does anything make you anxious??