Final Day of 2012...

So, final day of 2012, and I feel I should write something inspiring to everyone! So here I am :-) 

I wish I could say I was doing something memorable on my final day of 2012 - like flying or jumping out of a plane or climbing a mountain... But instead I'm doing what I love :-) Looking after my four kids at home. 

I won't pretend and fake that I love doing this everyday though! Anyone stuck in a house with cabin fever kids bouncing off the walls knows how quickly things can go from good to bad. Even more so if the weather is wet and the house is small (like I am blessed with) but for me today, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else :-) Just wish hubby was here too... but alas, work calls! 

And so life goes on and another year over and another on the way...

I love having the time to sit, pray and reflect on the past year. I feel I have grown so much closer to God in the past 12months and so despite the ugly and difficult times - I tick the year off as successful :-) I have a much stronger foundation in God and can feel myself changing not only in my thoughts, but my emotions too. I'm leaning on the Spirit a lot more heavily and it has been very freeing! We never stop growing... 

I make no new year resolutions though, as I fear failure. Terrible, I know, but I also see everyday as a new beginning - so why put so much pressure to sticking to something for a whole year?? Especially when Lamentations tell us that Gods mercies are new every morning. Every new day is another day to worship :-)

Like last year, I will continue to put God first.

Two years ago I heard a sermon from Craig Groeschel (here) called 'first'. It was one of the first sermons I had heard of his too, coincidentally :-) It encouraged me so much for the beginning of 2011 - and the promise Craig makes in there really stands true for me! If you have a spare 30minutes, I really recommend checking it out!

In 2013, I am however starting one of these -- 

..this picture has been floating around facebook for a few weeks now, so maybe you have seen it? 

Earlier in 2012, I read a book called 'One Thousand Gifts' by Ann Voskamp (Did a quick review here)  - and it has surely changed my view on life.

The book made it to #243 on Amazon Best sellers, and New York Times best seller too. I know that doesn't mean much to most Christians - but I get excited about a book where the author is clearly in love with God making it onto the worlds big seller lists like that. Praise God :-)

The book has taught me to be thankful for what I have, instead of disappointed or upset for what I don't. Very opposite to what the media pushes down our throats in magazines, commercials and other forms of advertising :-)

It has also, as a Christian, helped me to be more in communication with God. It's like He gives us all these beautiful gifts (such as a blooming tree of flowers, or smiles from a toothless son) and we forget to say thank you to Him for all the goods things in our life. As parents, we know it's not nice to have kids who aren't thankful for all we do for them (especially the little things they take for granted!) and in the same way, God has put all this beauty on Earth - yet we are too busy to notice or say thanks!

 

And so this jar, will be my families gratitude jar. From January 2013, when we comes across a memorable moment or good thing, we will write it on a piece of paper with the date and pop it in the jar. Easy :-) 

....and on December 31st, 2013, I hope it to be full of beautiful blessings for us to read out together.

Unfinished diaries and scrapbooks mock me from January's past, but I love the jar idea as we can pick up and put down as we remember. Skip days? No one will know or feel guilt. And if I feel motivated another time when time isn't so strapped - I can mix it with photos for a scrap book perhaps? 

And for hard days when beauty is hard to find, the jar with notes will remind me there are still good moments to be had and much to be thankful for... 

And if its empty, it will only be because I am not looking hard enough! A rainbow lorikeet and a vulture are both birds - but they both look for different things. One looks for something sweet and beautiful, one looks for something dead and ugly. And both find what their eyes are searching for :-) 

So, I pray 2013 will also be the year you find beauty. That you would look for God's hand in everything and count your blessings!

...and that by the end of the year, we all have full jars :-) and a full heart, knowing in truth even more how much He loves us!

Happy New Year!!!

x Kelly 

"Count your blessings - Instead of your curses

Count your gains - Instead of your loses

Count your joys - Instead of your woes

Count your friends - Instead of your foes

Count your courage - Instead of your fears

Count your laughs - Instead of your tears

Count the full years - Instead of the lean

Count your kind deeds - Instead of your mean

Count your health - Instead of your wealth

Count on God - Instead of yourself"

(S.Y Marshall)

Sexual Immorality Sucks... Big time

Wow, so, been nearly a month since I last wrote - my bad! But to say the last month has been crazy is an understatement.

In our family, we have been dealing with some pretty heavy mess - thanks to the sin of sexual immorality.

Not wanting to create gossip - but more an awareness - someone thought they could have a friendship with the opposite sex 'safely' without damaging the relationship with their wife.

But what harm could there be in a bit of fun flirting right? D and Ms? Bit of texting back n forth? Few helpful phone calls when they go through hard times? There is no harm in that right?? It's just showing Christian love isn't it?!?!?

Ephesians 5 tells us to not even have a HINT of sexual immorality in our life. It is dangerous... and now these people have crossed lines they can't erase. Spat in the face of God and His commands.

I know I know - this is bad / wrong / horrible / gutless etc - and I'm not denying that AT ALL! ...but for me, I have trouble judging this person.

There have been times also in my marriage where I have invested more into others instead of my husband. Entertaining ideas in my head, or 'what if' scenarios played out in my mind. Have you??

While I didn't PHYSICALLY act upon these things, according to Matthew 5, am I not just as equally guilty?  What is played out in the mind shows what is in our hearts right?

Regardless - I am now seeing the effect of continuing along the path of sexual immorality - and it has made things very messy, as this person continues to be unrepentant for what they have done. They seem to be more sorry for the effect it is having on others, and apologises often, but still not seeing their sin as the disgusting filth it is.

And it is truly heartbreaking for me to see this person loose so many of God's good gifts because of this. His reputation, respect from peers, his job, his home, his time with his children, his wife.... and the huge gap that is between him and God right now is oblivious to him, as he continues to run in the direction that leads to death. Continues to listen to lies that are not truth... 


"Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does" 1 Corinthians 6

I hope this post is a wake up call to those who also entertain these ideas, as I once also did. Who think a little bit of flirting is ok. To think it's alright to be investing in someone else besides their partner. Who enjoy a bit of attention from the opposite sex.

It surely has been a huge wake up for me...

In all this, in times of extreme heaviness, while we mourn and cry out to God for mercy on this mess, sometimes my husband and I can do no more then utter the words from Joshua 24

....But as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord


May God continue to bless me and my family with His discipline and may we find His way out of temptation quickly.... May His voice continue to be loud and clear. 

"If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall. The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure." 1 Corinthians 10

Open our eyes Lord. Thank you for your Grace and the forgiveness of my past sins.

Humbled

xKelly

For hard days...

Been a few difficult days recently, dealing with some very heavy life changing things. Even more harder I find - is that these things are effecting loved ones who I love dearly - so I feel so so helpless :-(

So what is the remedy for the hard times? How do we get back to that Peace that Jesus promised us in John 16. What do you do??

I am unusual in the way I live, and I understand that. I love that God is changing me in this way, as His way is so much better than mine. My way would involve bitterness, grudge holding, relentless anger, loose tongues and revenge.

His way is to come to Him. Simply. Be still and know who He is. Remember who I am.

In the hard times, my flesh screams for facebook, or alcohol, or company of friends, or tv, or playing silly ice cream jumping games on my mobile.... anything to escape reality. Run away from the world. Push it down. Dream of ways to seek revenge. Kill my thoughts till I crash in bed at the end of the day.

Laughter can conceal a heavy heart,

    but when the laughter ends, the grief remains. 

Proverbs 14

But when I recognise this, I repent and get to my knees. Oh, I don't FEEL like it, but I know it works. These fleshly desires are merely band-aids to hide the symptoms instead of the cause. Anti-depressants.

If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do.
James 1
We have the comforter, the Holy Spirit, who wants to comfort us and yet we drown Him out... By using band-aids, we have not addressed the issue or why we feel what we do. (And I always love knowing why I feel what I do!!) When we turn to band-aids, we are no better off than we started - just wasted a few more precious hours of our life.

If God is trying to teach me something in hard times, I want to get the remedy as fast as possible! You will find me (like Mary, not Martha) at the Masters feet. The world can wait. I'm of no use to the world if I am not at Peace myself. I will only spread the terrible way I feel if I go into the world, not at Peace.

And yes, this does take discipline. It is not always easy. It is a sacrifice. It is a dying to how you feel. Contrary to what your body tells you to do. Saying no to me and yes to Thee.

Sometimes it hurts. God can show things that I don't want to admit. That I don't want to let go of. He may tell me it is me who needs to change. Learn to think differently. Who really wants to put their hand up to being wrong?

My child, don’t reject the Lord’s discipline,

    and don’t be upset when he corrects you.

¹² 

For the Lord corrects those he loves,

    just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights.

Proverbs 3

He LOVES us. He wants to help us! But just like we can't blame a dentist for teeth decay if people don't see them, we cannot blame God for our faults if we don't speak with Him.

I can honestly say that when I bring my worries, tears, fears, hurts and burdens to Him, and have enough time with Him, and speak honestly and wait for Him to speak back, I always ALWAYS leave with Peace. A Peace the world can not give me.

I pray you will pray and know that Peace too. Don't just take my word for it :-)

xKelly

I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world. - Jesus 

Barlow Girl says it better than me....

I LOVE song lyrics. And I sing along loud to songs that sing what I feel. This one exercised my lungs after a tough morning.
We may not always FEEL God - but He is always, always there. He promised and does not break promises!! 

...so keep on talking - or sometimes more important - LISTEN!
He will show you, in His timing. Grow in faith xK

Barlow Girl - I'm never alone

I waited for you today

But you didn't show

No no no

I needed You today

So where did You go?

You told me to call

Said You'd be there

And though I haven't seen You

Are You still there?

I cried out with no reply

And I can't feel You by my side

So I'll hold tight to what I know

You're here and I'm never alone

And though I cannot see You

And I can't explain why

Such a deep, deep reassurance

You've placed in my life

We cannot separate

'Cause You're part of me

And though You're invisible

I'll trust the unseen

I cried out with no reply

And I can't feel You by my side

So I'll hold tight to what I know

You're here and I'm never alone

We cannot separate

You're part of me

And though You're invisible

I'll trust the unseen

I cried out with no reply

And I can't feel You by my side

So I'll hold tight to what I know

You're here and I"m never alone

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8QubLxJI54

Book: One Thousand Gifts

A good friend sent me a text earlier to say she enjoyed the book I lent her. I smiled as I remembered how this book changed the way I look at my life :-)

It's called 'One Thousand Gifts' by Ann Voskamp. Highly recommended!

Without giving too much away, it is Ann's story of her goal to be thankful for what she has, starting from a dare from a friend, to find 1000 things she is thankful for.

Ann has a beautiful, poetic style of writing that seems to dance on the page (and sometimes cause me to need to re-read a couple of times to make sure I read it right) The first couple of chapters are hard, as she shares some difficult moments in her life - but please push through!

After reading the book, I went searching online a little more to find out about Ann. I love when a writers book matches up with the rest of their life.

Her beautiful photography work of capturing her 'gifts' she freely shares with others - often with encouraging words or verse on them. I also found various video clips about her work with Compassion. Ann speaking at various conferences worldwide. Her own website (http://www.aholyexperience.com/) where she is still counting gifts and encourages others to do the same.

I've also signed up to her daily emails which she shares what God is revealing to her - which also causes me to check and re-check my heart and where I am with God often.

Besides fame and the amazing success of her book - I also love that Ann continues to be who she is - a wife and mother. I'm sure it must be difficult for her to say no to amazing opportunities to visit or speak all over the world, but her online calendar suggests she keeps her priorities in order and limits the time she is away from her home. Her emails about washing and kids suggest the same!

As someone who struggles with 'God's will in my life' - this helped me in my daily struggles as humble wife and mother (which she write about in her book too) when I fear I am not doing all I can for Christ. God is using Ann in big ways, but she does not seemed to be overwhelmed or swept away with it all.

She just continues to be very thankful :-)

Meet Ann:  (from her site) 
Ann Voskamp. Farmer's wife. Home-educating mama to 6. Author of the NYT bestseller One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are. DaySpring writer. Women of Faith speaker. Library book Loser. Named by Christianity Today as one of the leading 50 women most shaping culture and the church today. Soup-stirrer. Partner with Compassion International. Loud laugher, kid snuggler, and Jesus lover. Honestly, she's a bit of a mess. It’s okay, really. Grace is the most amazing of all.

Anyway, just wanted to share about Ann and her book and would love to hear if you have read it and what you think too??

Thankyou God for Ann, and the amazing gift she is to me!

xKelly

The Imperfect Mum update....

Hi all!

I'm doing a question evey five minutes on "The Imperfect Mum' - so have a bit of time between questions and thought I would use that time to write to YOU! :-)

Kristy recently wrote up a post about her and I here - which to me was very heart warming to read about. All credit to God for any good in me :-)

We get a lot of people on the page who think their way is right and that is that and fight it black and blue. I'm all for passionate people - Kristy and I both are very passionate in the things we believe in - but it doesn't mean we bash each other with it.

I love that Kristy and I are very different - and yet we can still run a page like this together - understanding why each one takes the action they do etc. We have not had a disagreement about running the page yet.

I admit I was nervous when I first 'signed up' to help out - and I took it to God a lot in prayer. I know the verse about being 'unevenly yoked' in 2 Corinthians and wondered if this applied here?

By my understanding, the verse shares about the two ox travelling in the same direction - and it won't work if they have different destinations in mind. For me - my aim is to show these Mothers on the page love, and Kristy has that same goal - it's just that our ways are different.

One day, I had goosebumps when Kristy and I spoke on the phone - and she shared she wanted me to know I can have full permission to do what I thought was right on the page. She told me I can 'do whatever it is God tells me to do' as she trusted my intuition that what God was telling me to is right. How amazing is that :-)

I love that Kristy knows how crazy I am about God, but still treats me the same way she would any of her other friends who don't know God at all. I really do find it hard when people feel they need to tip toe around me because I am a Christian and suddenly they need to stop swearing or put down their drinks. Or that if I speak, I am judging them by my standards....

I am me. I am not God. What you do is between you and Him. It is not my place to correct you!!!!

ESPECIALLY non believers!!

In 1 Corinthians 5 Paul writes: When I wrote to you before, I told you not to associate with people who indulge in sexual sin. But I wasn’t talking about unbelievers who indulge in sexual sin, or are greedy, or cheat people, or worship idols. You would have to leave this world to avoid people like that. I meant that you are not to associate with anyone who claims to be a believer yet indulges in sexual sin, or is greedy, or worships idols, or is abusive, or is a drunkard, or cheats people. Don’t even eat with such people.

And yes, if I see a brother or sister who is committing a sin and we have a strong relationship - of course I speak to them about it. But with love. Oh, how many of us are missing out on the LOVE part! :-( If I was clearly in the wrong and not aware, of course I would want someone to speak up to me - and I would expect my nearest to be able to do the same.... To judge like I would want to be judged. Bring it on!


I've told Kristy how much I am praying that she knows God for herself and that He is a God who loves. Not a rule making, finger pointing 'YOU ARE WRONG' kinda God.

Yes, He does convict, and I can not live the way I lived before knowing Him - but that is between Kristy and God. And if you are in a relationship with God, you will know just how loving and gentle He goes about this. It's like, He really knows how much I can handle at each time in my life right?!? :-D

Oh, how wonderful He is!!!

xKelly

Child minding teachings....

I have 6 kids here today.

I should be looking after them right? tee he he! They all are entertaining each other at the moment. I can see a few on the tramp outside my window, can hear some playing Mario Kart on the Wii, and my littlest is beside me here on the floor playing.

I do love the school holidays. I know a lot of mums can't wait for them to be over, and at times they ARE testing, but I actually enjoy seeing how my kids are growing and developing. Especially when I have other kids here.

We spend so much time teaching them the right way to be and treat others - so I love when other kids come over to see if those lessons are really sinking in - or just surface.

Take sharing for example. It's against our nature to share. That is putting others before ourselves. You just need to see two babies with one awesome toy to see that it is normal human nature to put oneself before others right?

And so, most of us parents have to teach our kids to share. It hurts when young, doesn't feel right... but eventually the lesson (hopefully) sinks in! Otherwise they will learn the hard way and that, I believe, would hurt so much more from those who don't love them as much as I do.

I try hard to raise kids who are learning the 'why' in the wrong and then knowing they have a choice. I won't always be there to punish or teach them (like when they are in school) and so I cherish holidays when I get the chance to observe and guide.

This is the same as we are older too. Can you hear that inner voice??

"Ahh, think about what you are about to say"

"Umm, should you eat that extra chocolate?"

"Is there something better than TV you could be doing right now?"

"You should call them, see if they were upset by what you said...."

You hear it. And can easily ignore it. But I guess we aren't really learning then right? It's just surface for us. Face value. If we only diet when people are looking, it doesn't benifit right? Only read our Bible when people see? Only pray when in public??

The sermon on the mount in Matthew 6 tells us over and over again that only our Father in Heaven sees what is done in secret and He will reward you.

Oh, how proud I am as a parent when I see my kids doing what is right when they think I am not looking! Even when it doesn't feel nice to themselves. Not just cause they should - but because they know it is what is right.

Today, many times, my kids have made me proud. Provers 23:12-26

xK

Days like these....

i will keep it short, as on mobile, and it seems to hate blogger.com and the enter key. 

its 9am on a Saturday. Normally i would be diving into Gods word with my husband given quiet time (thankyou love) but i left Bible on couch. 

so, praying instead, and feeling really overwhelmed. so much to pray for. so many people. so much going on. is life meant to be this way? 

days like these i crave the bush... well, i actually crave home and to be with God in peace, but noone ever likee hearing someone say 'i want to die' ha ha. dont worry, no risk of suicide here ever. i know God can take me home anytime so while im here, He has more for me to discover :-) 

but oh, to be in the bush. no technology. no cars. no pressing to do list. no have to be here or theres. 

do you ever feel this life we create for ourselves is too fast?

xK 

Maccas Bible Verse....

A short one, as it's school holidays, and I have two little nudie kids needing their mums attention!! About to collect the older two from a sleep over, then off to a farewell party, then to fill the trailer, then rubbish tip, then to collect some wood.... blah blah blah.

Big day! But had to share this verse with you as it made me smile!


"Why spend your money on food that does not give you strength? Why pay for food that does you no good? Listen to me, and you will eat what is good." Isaiah 55:2

Now, I know this isn't specifically about McDonalds - but I love how God makes verses personal.

He knew that I would come across that verse at this moment in my life while thinking about my Maccas fast and how it would impact me. Love it!

I imagine Him smiling at me, having a chuckle, hoping to catch my attention... I hear You Father. Thank You! :-) I know You are with me.

Have you had any experiences like this in your relationship with God while reading His word??

Argh - I can hear milk and marbles out there!!! Better go!

Have a lovely day!!

xK

McDonalds Addiction Update

I wrote about my McDonalds addiction a while ago and posted it on the Imperfect Mum blog here (can you let me know if this link doesn't work??)

I went really well since writing this! (pat on the back for ME!) and I survived a month without McDonalds! Yeay! (28 days is the recommended amount to kick an addiction I am told)

EXACTLY (freakishly) one month after I stopped eating McDonalds, was the day that I started my road trip down south for a family funeral. A very difficult family funeral.

I travelled as the only adult in my car (my parents took their own car and I met up with them days later) with 3 kids in tow. I'm not trying to justify my actions - but if you have been on a road trip with 3 kids, driving along the Qld coast - you would know how hard it is to avoid drive throughs!! Especially when you are hungry and time is precious.

And so, the fast was broken....

Now - back home again and weeks later, I have fallen into old patterns again. Time for a boot in the butt - and God gave it to me yesterday!!! In a big way!!

I was driving to school to collect my eldest 2 children. I had just finished doing some study on God and money - and I posed the question once again to God about how much we spend and save. I stressed we are strapped for finances and I feel I am unable to be as generous as He makes me passionate about, due to funds being so tight.

In my hand, I held a $20 note. This was for a school friend whom I owed the money to as she had bought some bulk meat for me. (in an effort to save - and get more iron into me!!) I had the windows down (again, saving money with no aircon) and was praying as I drove about my feeling strapped for finances.

Suddenly, quite comically, the $20 slipped loose, did a dance, and flew out the window!! EEEKKKK!!

Of course, like a begger, I pulled over and proceeded to walk the middle of the highway garden to look for the $20.

Cars passing, wind blowing, hope diminishing - and still praying. Why God? What's the purpose in this? Why now? Why this interruption??

Then I saw it. The first bit of McDonalds rubbish. Then another. Then another... another. And it hits me.

Doesn't look so appealing in B&W!

As I scrounge the ground for $20 - I'm throwing more than this away each week on this junk.

Junk that doesn't last. Doesn't fulfil. Doesn't benefit.

I don't remember the food I ate last week, so why must it be so expensive?!?!

...and then I find the $20. Lesson learnt. I hear you God. Thank You for this daily bread.

Collecting my 2 older children, they ask why I am late and I share my story. They agree and now we are all encouraging and helping one another to stay Maccas free again....

With God's strength we can!

xK

Is life too good??

I'm away camping at the moment. Love the ability to type a post while so far from civilisation! I have a love/hate relationship with my smart phone. Yesterday, I was collecting small sticks with my 3 year old for the campfire. He ran back to his daddy to show off his collection, leaving me under the tall pine trees, observing my family from afar. What a beautiful moment! Was speaking with God in that moment also, thanking Him for His gifts in my family. I reassured Him (or myself?) that even if they were all taken from me, I would still praise His name. Was good to say that aloud. Suddenly I remember those who are killed for His names sake. Locked in jails, seperated from family and lived ones, persecuted heavily. Here in Australia, life is not so difficult. Besides loosing the respect of a few mates perhaps, we have life very easy as belivers. So what are we to do with this freedom? The gift of being born where we are? "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake and for the sake if the Good news, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?" Jesus Himself spoke this Himself to the crowd and His disciples. What does this look like in living? In real life? Am I fulfilling this calling? Being here, camping, am I being selfish? Or is it right to pass onto my children the desire to get out of routine and enjoy the natural surroundings? Is life meant to be harder than this God? We complain and grumble when we don't instantly get what we want in this cushy part if the world. But to us who is given more, is more expected from us? More freedom? More finances? More love? Show me what is expected please Father...

Todays Daily Bread

I had an 'ah-huh' moment this morning during my quiet time. I read 2 devotionals when I wake in the mornings. One is 'Jesus Calling' by Sarah Young. Beautiful. The under title is 'Enjoying peace in His presence' and it does open my eyes to do just that. I have given numerous copies if this book away too - we could all do with more peace right? :-) It also has a couple if scripture references to line up with the days reading, to reaffirm what Jesus is calling to you in His word. I like that. The second is one that challenges me. 'My utmost for His highest' by Oswald Chambers. The copy I have is a pocket one I stole from hubby. It was given to him as a gift by a beautiful couple, back in 2005 (the front page tells me!) A lot of the times, this deep thinker goes over my head, but I often find a sentence or two that God speaks directly to me through. I love that my prayer partner also LOVES this book - and her copy is nearly 50years old I think she said? And she says the book is still teaching her.... So todays 'ah-huh' came from my utmost - under todays date if you are reading along at home :-D Sept 11. Lately I have struggled with our purpose here. Mainly mine, in raising kids. For my eldest 2 kids, I put all time, energy, heart, strength etc into making them the best kids possible. It took a lot - and I confess I made an idol if them. The eldest especially. God popped my illusion bubble of 'I'm in control here' a few years back (Praise God) and so I've really relaxed in the huge task of pressuring my kids to be the best. Will share that story another time. But now, I struggle with the time I have with my 3 year old at home. Only yesterday, while baby slept, 3yo and I had time together. What I wanted to do - was chuck on a kids DVD and have me time to read Gods word. I can't seem to satisfy this God given hunger for it these days! Weird! But instead, I tried a few more practical activities. It was SO difficult. My brain ran a million miles an hour and scoffed at my 'waste' of time. We tried Lego, cards, ball game outside, filling balloons with water (his favourite) and in the end - he asked me to read, while he watched a DVD. Ha! And so, I question this role as mother. Am I doing what you want God? I appreciate the time I am blessed to share with my kids, but it is not challenging me anymore. I know that when they reach school age, they all pretty much are at the same level anyway right? My Utmost: "Notice the kind of people that God brings around you, and you will be humiliated once you realise that this is actually His way of revealing to you the kind of person you have been to Him. Now He says we should exhibit to those around us exactly what He has exhibited to us." Wow. "The very character we exhibit in our present surroundings is an indication of what we will be like in other surroundings. The things Jesus did were the most menial of everyday tasks, and this is an indication that it takes all God's power in me to accomplish even the most common tasks in His way." It goes on about trying to prepare who you are in a hard time is like trying to make weapons in the trenches. We won't last. So what are those who are near me teaching me? How are they showing how I treat God? So often I am humbled that God is patient and sitting by me while I learn what He already knows. Just being beside me and being available when I need Him is comforting. So must I persue with my 3yo. One of the greatest things I want to teach him while I am home with him is that mum (and dad) are here to help and guide and teach and direct. We desire to talk to our children. When my kids test my patience, with being disobedient and feeling I am reteaching over and over, I will remember how many times I too need to relearn lessons! And when my kids forget all I do, have done, have given up and sacrificed for them - I will shoot a prayer heavenward thanking my Heavenly Father for all He us still doing, has done, has given up and sacrificed for me. ThankYou for this bread Lord. ThankYou for your gift if humbleness. ThankYou for your disciplines. ThankYou for sitting by my side and teaching me again and again. xK

Great 'church' last night!

So, Monday morning, another week ahead! Eeek!

But I still smile at the memory of church last night. I needed that!

Had a bit of a melt down yesterday afternoon, with hubby still away working and 4 tired kids - and one super exhausted mummy! I went to the docs a few days ago actually about this tiredness that is looming over me more and more these days, which is rare for me as I really don't see the doctors much! Results on Friday.

Anyway, was once again asking God for help and the strength to get through the afternoon (He delivered. Again. Wow!) without too much more drama.

When hubby did come home (yeay!!) he relieved me of my kids and 'set me free' to attend church alone. Was beautiful to be able to have adult conversations, uninterrupted by little people.

Please don't get me wrong, I LOVE my kids dearly - but I too need a break - and it was a wonderful time speaking with others who were keen to share what God was doing in their lives and how faithful He is.

The church service was a little different too - with it being set up outside, with 3 guitars and 4 people sharing in the microphone who don't normally speak up the front. Was really beautiful hearing each of their testimonies of how God has spoken to them.

Us humans forget all too soon the good times - and so wanted to write about it here so that I can recall once again when I feel like I need it. Thanks to all those I spoke to who made the night special :-)

xK

Sunday morning - I should be at church right?

Good morning! So, sitting here in my baby's room while she unwillingly falls asleep. She is a stubborn one! But I have often thanked God for that - and pray she would use it for good, not evil :-) Husband has taken the older 3 kids to the playground. He worked all yesterday, so we didn't see much of him and he is planning to work again this afternoon. It's a tough one, as clearly I know we are meant to have one day a week to rest right? And he didn't have that yesterday and he won't today. Back to work again tomorrow too! Hmmm.... I was quite happy with his decision to stay home from church this morning, as I got cabin fever staying home with the 4 kids yesterday :-s (school holidays 2 weeks away!) Those kids need some daddy attention and one of my main 'love languages' in case you can't tell is quality time - so I needed to see him too. We are heading into church soon though, for the annual meeting. Then, while husband goes to work, I am planning to go to a churchy BBQ, so will get a good dose of fellowship there :-) and, if kids all go to bed well, husband says I may be able to attend church tonight. Not trying to justify my actions of not going this morning, but just making you aware its not because I don't want to. I do love going to church! But sometimes, I think people put church in the wrong order of things. Anyway - wondering what others think about not attending church 'religiously' - do you? Are their certain things that you put above church attendance, such as family time? Or work? I can't help but think if work didn't get in the way this weekend, then we would be at church now. Husband doesn't normally work weekends, so not normally an issue for us. But, with the car breaking down last week, we are seeing the oppertunity to work as one given by God. Plus, husband also likes the guys he gets to work alongside today, so he enjoys it too. We are planning on camping next weekend, so guess that will mean no church as a family then either! Uh-oh! :-) Lucky I'm not too deeply troubled by those who Tsk Tsk at attendance. As long as my heart is right, I'm alright right?? :-) xK

Anxiety. Again.

anx·i·e·ty/aNGˈzī-itē/

Noun:

A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.

I don't get anxious very often - or maybe that's just what I would like to tell myself :-)

There are a few things that make my pulse race and make my mind trip into overtime and one of them is people coming over to my house *sick stomach*

I am trying to get better at this, as most who have come over in the past have said some very nice things about coming over. (Why can't our minds accept and remember compliments more?!?)

But there has been one or two incidences where someone's (unintentionally) said hurtful things, and this is what I hold onto and sadly feel EVERYONE thinks these things ALL THE TIME when they visit. (sounds silly now when I think about it of course - but still true)

My beautiful, wise, elderly friend (who once came for dinner) tells me this is 'stinking thinking' and so I try to eliminate those voices with the positive ones - but I still struggle with it.

Even today, I had organised a few days ago for a friend to come over on a whim, and it has been eating at me when I remembered. This person I have known for YEARS and has never had an invite to my home before. How terrible of me!  

I guess because my home is me in the open, and to have someone just walk into that and be able to pass judgement and comment carelessly is dangerous to me. This is my husband, kids and myself and how we live - trying to not be affected by the worlds standards of what a house should look like.

My walls are covered in what inspires me - including some kids dirty hand prints.

My floors carry the mess that I know most great mothers would of picked up the instant they see it.

My benches filled with kids drawings or photos that create cluttered and disorganised look.

My yard is full of junk that the kids imagination goes wild with. An ice cream bucket becomes a helmet. A towel an island. A piece of rope the reigns of a horse - and of course the idea of putting it back after never crosses their minds!!

To just walk in, you would see mess.

But if you live here, you would see what kids do with that mess.

The most beautiful comment I have ever had on my home, was at a mothers group when we were talking about house descriptions. I don't think it was even said to me!

A mother was sharing that she has heard of houses being described as clean, tidy, small, large, homely or cold etc - but never has she walked into a house and described it as 'Godly'

My neighbour then replied "Well, clearly you have never been to Kelly's house then" 

Even now, I have goosebumps as I recall that :-)

Thank You Father that I could hear such a comment, for that is my hearts desire - to represent You. I ask you Father that I would get over this "stinking thinking" and invite more into my home. I always love it when people are here - and the kids do too! I always say afterwards "I should do that more often" and yet this stumbling block keeps tripping me over...

Does anything make you anxious??

Monday Monday Monday.... ARGH!

I had written this post a while ago for The Imperfect Mum blog - but thought I'd put it here for now. Maybe if Kristy asks for it in the future...

Serious case of Monday-itis today! 

Had a full weekend, dropped the older kids to school this morning, and now home to this BOMB of a messy house! 

"Looks like a dog’s breakfast!" i can hear my dad say in my head!! ha ha! 

What happened here?!? How?!? I don't remember having a massive party at all, although it sure looks like it! Stuff everywhere!

I'm trying to get better at de-cluttering. Trying to have a place for everything - and i admit i sure am better than what i was - but mornings like this are terrible! What's the point of it all! Over it! Wanna chuck in the towel! (and I’m not talking 'doing washing' here, although that needs to be looked at too.... Argh!) 

That's a bad place to start thinking though.... and that's when i start to spiral. 

"Does anyone notice?"

"What's the point in cleaning, it's just gonna look the same tomorrow..."

“I can’t believe he left that there! I’ve told him soo many times!! (80/20! Ha ha!)

“Why is it always up to me?”

"I almost wish i had some sort of employment, cause then I'd have an excuse for it to look this way!"
"You're a full time mum Kelly, and you can't even keep the house in order!!"

.....down down down. 

Suck it up Kell (and once again, NOT in the vacuum sense! Although, that needs to be done too.....ARGH!!)

Snap out of it. You know where this leads, and NO ONE benefits from that!! Take a time out. Walk the yard. Look for truths. Positive ones. Dig out of this hole.

And today, my first positive was the ‘The Imperfect Mum’ community! There is some sort of lift in knowing we are not alone in this. I think that’s why facebook / twitter / social media is so addictive. Just to here someone else say:

“WE ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS!”

We were not made to be alone, which is why i think I.M keeps people coming back. There is peace in knowing someone else has been through the same pit we are in. So that we know we are not the only ones in this. 

Anyone out there hear me?? Anyone get me on this?? Anyone else get Monday-itis?!?! Can relate to the Bomb house pit??? Can i here a yes from someone?!?! Anyone?!??! Cause today, i need it!!

And now.... how do you get out?!? Tell me your secrets!! Share! Please! 

x Kelly

Fathers Day 2012 - Done and Done

So, another Fathers Day over! 

Our day was lovely, but busy as always. We live in the same town as both sets of parents - so these days are normally filled with visits and family gatherings, which I don't mind - especially with my renewed passion for catching up with people more.

So, wishing my husband happy Fathers day at home with the 4 kids (very excited about wearing their new shirts!) then church, then home for little one to sleep, then out for lunch with the in-laws, then bikes at the park with the kids, then home for a bit before dinner at church and a DVD (Courageous) I came home early to get the younger kids into bed, and husband has just arrived home now after the movie.

A great satisfaction of the day for me was to see an editing project I had been working on the last few days up on the screen at church. One of the pastors interviewed a few men in the church about what they have learnt, and what they wish to pass onto their children. Was beautiful!

I was an editor before having the kids, so it is nice to go back and feel the joy in creating again. One day I will have more time to do some of my own work, but for now, I do love these little challenging projects (as time consuming as they are!!)

Time for bed now to read a bit more.... Sleep well!

xK

Struggling at the moment...life is tough!

Hey all!

So, I want to break a myth that 'Christians' have an easy life and everything runs smoothly for them.

Last couple of weeks have been pretty painful in fact - for many different reasons that I won't go into here. Maybe another post.

I tend to also carry other peoples burdens too. Put myself in their shoes often and want to fix everything and feel failure when I can't. Probably not the best idea for me to assist in a mothering blog for that reason huh? :-) There have been some very broken mums on there recently. Shattering.

Fortunately for me though - I do have a connection to the source that can refill me with Joy, Peace and Hope. I have living water that never runs dry. What a Joy He is! This is where I think we fail often as Christians - is we soldier on in our own strength and we forget to give the issues to Him and ask Him to intervene and take them over. We send a little 'flare prayer' and move on.

But not me. I NEED that deep prayer time. Where I can be honest, broken, shattered, empty, seeking, reaching out.... and I refuse to be filled by any other source.

For me, my hardest struggle is finding the time to get there and not resenting my children in the meantime. I find as a parent I get most frustrated and loose patience fastest when I have another agenda that I want to get done. So, I try to not let this happen if at all possible (which is why I love my job!)

I know, I could be in prayer right now instead of writing here right? (I'm heading to my knees straight after this, don't you worry!!) Computer time is slightly different though I think.

As parents we are still regularly interrupted while here (drinks, bickering over toys, stealing my mobile and wanting to sit on my lap have all occurred since I've started typing this actually!) and we can stop and go back to what we are doing on the computer pretty smoothly. Deep prayer is harder to allow interruptions. Especially if you cry like me :-)

But as a parent, it IS difficult to find 5 minutes to yourself, especially without guilt seeping in and taking over.

Today, that is not going to worry me. The television is my friend and Dora is going to watch my kids while I take all this hard stuff to my heavenly Father and ask He takes it all off my back. To allow me the strength to continue you on. The ability to help others in there desperate need. To seek wisdom in situations I want to take control of. The words to say and the times I should be quiet.

I'm not doing anybody any good running on empty.... so i shall go now and drink the living water again. My Daily Bread :-)

Thanks for the vent. Hope you can relate?

xK

I'm back!

Ok, so long break between drinks! Sorry!

I have been busy with other things - well, life in general really - but I've felt the urging (from people AND my heart) to continue with this blog and even not be afraid if people find it....

Apparently people think i am worth knowing and so I will continue to pour out my heart and thoughts. Thank you to those who love me the way that i am :-) and hello to newbies who want to know me more! I would appreciate your contribution and discussion!

Looking forward to hearing from you...

xK

Praying Praying Praying

So, the prayer mission i promised to write about...


I will talk to you about it, if you promise you won't think of me any differently? No, 'lifting Kelly up' or thinking 'i can't do that!' because i believe it was not me who came up with the idea... i believe God put things into place. To Him be the glory. 


Promise?


So, the people in my church family have been heavy on my heart. I wrote about them here when i went into the church for the prayer meeting that no one showed up for. (The prayer meeting i haven't been back to since! My bad!)  


And so, i have been talking to God about it all. What could i do? I don't want to guilt people, but a church without a head isn't very pretty!! 


Throughout the week that it was heavy on my heart, a few different voices spoke to me and their words stood out - things like how the early church prayed together DAILY, the Welsh revival started when a handful of guys got serious about prayer, that it's God who changes things - not us in our own strength, God may ask us to do things we can not do - because then we really know it's in His strength that it happens (which in turn increases our faith) etc


Anyway, long story short, i've committed to God that i would attempt to pray daily at the church building at 6am in the morning. 


Once a week, i was praying with a beautiful friend in the mornings - and so i thought i should be able to do this everyday! With hubbys approval, i now set my alarm for 5:33am and aim to be at the church at 6am each morning for prayer.


I don't know how long this will last. I did originally say 'from meeting to meeting' at first, but i think this is a habit that i would like to continue... 


It's been about 11 mornings so far - and yes i am only human and have slept through the alarm once and turned up late, i also prayed at a friends house once instead (but my friend has now said she will meet me at the church) but this isn't a numbers game. It's a heart game. And God has been refining my heart and blessed me SO much through this.


I remember i was almost 'jealous' of my husband, as he took on a fasting mission at the beginning of the year. He did a Daniel fast for the first 3 weeks of 2012 (lifechurch do this together yearly) and i wanted to as well, but i didn't think i should while i was still breastfeeding. I think your brain does different things when you deprive it of what is the norm, forcing it to do what you want, rather then give into fleshly desires. 


Anyways, I think God has since showed me that i can also do the same thing, while still being able to feed my baby girl, and that is through prayer. By depriving me of the sleep that i usually have instead of praying, my brain is different through the day. Yes, more tired, cranky, short fused - but instead of just writing it off as 'im just tired' - i want to control these emotions and make them submit to me. No one can tell me to be cranky, that is a reaction and what i decide to be. I need to get that under control in order for me to be able to get through even harder things later in life.... 


It is truly amazing just how much better the day is when you are re-aligned with God as your first step of the day. Wow. and He is teaching me things that i didn't know i needed to know! 


1 Corinthians 11: And you should imitate me, just as I imitate Christ. 


So what did Christ do? 


Luke 6:12 One day soon afterward Jesus went up on a mountain to pray, and he prayed to God all night.


Ok, so i haven't prayed all night yet - phew - but you would imagine Christ would be pretty tired the next day right? Consider it a write off? I know on the days when babies have kept me awake, i've needed extra help to let me sleep the next day. 


But no. On the day Christ did this, He then went on that morning to choose His 12 apostles.
And had huge crowds following Him. (me: *hiding under bedsheets* "leave me aloooone!!!")
And then spoke the beautiful Beatitudes (me: GIVING attitudes! ha ha!)
Then spoke of the future, gave some very hard and truthful messages.... 
then healed the sick 
then raised a person who had died back to life.... wow. 


Yes, i know He is Christ, but He was also human and i would imagine tired. But if He recognised how important prayer is (even though, being God i'm not sure what it is He would of wanted to say to God / himself??) then who am i to ignore it's importance?!?


Well, will keep you updated! Feel free to join me! :-) 


xK

Bit nervous and excited!

Hello all!

Getting to type from the computer is a luxury! I enjoyed it so much last time i posted, that i haven't blogged from the phone again sorry. Does mean a bigger break between posts though... oops!

So, nervous and excited! Last week i had a shocking day. Just one of those hard ones where every little thing piles on top of another - and so i came to a choice point. What to do now. Do i run to facebook and try to feel better there? Or the fridge? Or 'phone a friend' - instead i came to the Lord. I really want Him to be my comfort and trying to do this more.

And, it was definitely the best thing to do :-)

I found myself crying to Him and seeking comfort from Him - and suddenly these words started flowing, and rhyming, and coming together... wow. Grabbing pen n paper - i proceeded to scribble out pages and pages of what happened to me and what i was going through. No idea why i wrote it and what for.

Very long story short - God was in the mixing and I find myself now nervous, as Kristy is about to share this poem online, for 100's and 1000's of other mums to see it. Woah.

A couple of days after the poem was written, i spoke to Kristy and she offered me a place on her 'Imperfect Mum' site - for 'God sh*t' she said. (I love her and her honesty!) We laughed and both promised to come up with a better name for it.

But her heart is gold. She knows how many mums out there are hurting, and wants to help them. And she thinks that i have something that could help. (little may she realise HE is the ONLY help! But she'll get there ;-) tee he he!) She said she just woke the other morning, and i came to her mind and she knew that she had to ask me to share. Crazy cool huh?

And so, she's posting the poem soon. Every time i commute with her about it, or send her bits about it, i keep fearing she's gonna soon go 'no no no, too much God stuff in it - tone it down a tad' but she's yet to say this. In fact, she even emailed and asked if there were any photos i wanted to add?!? AND if im ready to post a link to THIS little blog too?!?!?

God, you are amazing!

Isaiah 55 comes to mind...

Is anyone thirsty? Come and drink — even if you have no money! Come, take your choice of wine or milk— it’s all free! Why spend your money on food that does not give you strength? Why pay for food that does you no good? Listen to me, and you will eat what is good. You will enjoy the finest food.

“Come to me with your ears wide open. Listen, and you will find life. I will make an everlasting covenant with you. I will give you all the unfailing love I promised to David. See how I used him to display my power among the peoples. I made him a leader among the nations.

You also will command nations you do not know, and peoples unknown to you will come running to obey,because I, the Lord your God,the Holy One of Israel, have made you glorious.”

Seek the Lord while you can find him. Call on him now while he is near. Let the wicked change their ways and banish the very thought of doing wrong. Let them turn to the Lord that he may have mercy on them. Yes, turn to our God, for he will forgive generously.

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.

“The rain and snow come down from the heavens and stay on the ground to water the earth.
They cause the grain to grow, producing seed for the farmer and bread for the hungry.

It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it.

...and it goes on.

Father, may this poem bring YOU glory. May You use it where You want to. Even if it comes to nothing and seems like a flop in the worlds standards - it already means so much to me and i thank You for teaching me truthful lessons that day. You are the true comfort. Thank You.

Blessed to be a signpost....

xK

2am - I'm awake of course!

Yeay! Typing from my computer this time instead of the teeny tiny phone! ONE day I'll get a portable computer thingy (God willing!)

So, it's 2am and most people should be sleeping right? But me, I'm wide awake. Not too sure why. Few things floating in my head at the moment.

I have a to do list that is about 36 items long that sits on the front page of my phone. Think I have been feeling guilt about this. Not that all the things on it are URGENT - but still, it kinda haunts me. These are things that just pop into my head, normally while I'm praying, and so i see them as possible things God may want me to do. Print photos for a friend, email someone something, order my friends present etc. I don't wanna miss one of God's leadings - and so i write it down.

There was also a fight next door too. My poor neighbours don't understand volume levels, and so we get to hear most of it - but fortunately the rain drained out most of the swear words and my kids didn't wake. I kept an ear out if it were to become physical though - but as normal it was just a swear session it seemed. I do get worried when one of them drives off though...

My baby girl has the sniffles at the moment too. Not nice when they are sick. It is running clear though, so hope it's just a temporary teeth thing. But I'm feeding her more to help...

Maybe I'm up cause I'm excited about praying perhaps? Today, being Sunday the 11th of March 2012, there is a church meeting and so I've chosen today as the day that I'm starting the prayer mission - I don't think I've shared about that yet right? I will soon. Promise :-) Cause YOU have to keep me accountable! :-D

Well, signing off now, as i've done most of the 'to do' that involved the computer. Still not feeling sleepy yet, but that may be because God has something for me in His word, so i will look there.

Sleep well!

xK

i am IM2

What a crazy couple of days!

I.M stands for 'The Imperfect Mum' which is a blog my beautiful friend 'Kristy Vallely' has created. (I don't mind using her full name because she often uses it herself online) Kristy is a real down to earth mum who really does say it like it is - and I totally love honest people like this. She truely is like an older sister to me and we have seen each other through a lot. We both recorded each others wedding days, shared with each dreams n heartaches and now we also share motherhood together.

Kristy is a bright light, loves people (hmmm... MOST people I should say! Cross her or her loved ones and you'll know it!) and I always knew she'd be famous. You just can't keep bright 'look at me' people hidden when it's their time to shine.

And Kristy is shining!! Beautifully! She has a big heart for mums and wants them to know they are not alone - as motherhood really can be a very lonely experience. And so, she has created a 'sisterhood' of mums who now support one another in a facebook group, asking questions, sharing experiences and lifting one another up. Kristy herself has opened painful places from her past as well, writing these moments in an online blog for the entire world to read, share, critique and bond.

Kristy was the one who inspired me to start my blog. She is one of the reasons you are reading this now! (you can thank or thump her later! Ha ha!)

And so, her group has because so large now, she alone can't keep up with it all. And she has asked me to help out, which of course, I said yes! But for different reasons then most would.

Most people would normally jump at the chance to be famous, yet I have no desire. I know my life here is short and I will soon be forgotten after I die, but it is His name that is eternal. To be a part of His plan and story would be worth my life. I would love for people to look back on me in years to come KNOWING I lived for the Lords purpose and not my own.

The I.M job also gives you a strange sense of power. I remembered the buzz of posting that first post, knowing over 4600 may be about to read it. Wow. But give me instead, the amazing coincidences of God. When He prepares or sets up the meeting of people that needed to be right there right now. Or the Holy Spirit teaching eternal truths. Or knowing that God hears little tiny me. The creator of it all. and tiny me. That's powerful.

The I.M blog could also fulfill the need for purpose in my life. A title. A job. A reason to get up because 'people need me' feeling. I craved that only a few years ago. Oh, to be important again. Not just a servant of little, unappreciative beings.
But, I am important. I do have an important role. Every extra breathe I take means that my Heavenly Father has unfinished tasks for me. Like a parent, I'm sure He doesn't like seeing me suffer and would love to call me home, but we're not done here. And if God wants to use me to glorify His name, then that gives my life purpose. Huge purpose.

Don't misunderstand me. I am overjoyed at being a part of the IM gang. I'm even more excited to be able to help Kristy and her family and even to help the thousands of mums that read her blog. I feel like this is going to be big. And I pray the Lord will use it and me in big ways for His name.

Oh, and I'm also so thankful to be standing alongside Kristy in this. She is on my heart for the Lord. I have about 7ish close people who come to mind when I hear of people without God. Of course, when I dwell on it I can name hundreds of people, but there will always be that small immediate core group and Kristys in it. Not that I'm Bible thumpin her, but my soul prays for her regularly.

All in time Kristy! :-) He loves you too much. He loves me too much too, and hears all my prayers for you x

xK aka - IM2 :-)

Nasty Kelly.... Don't call in the morning or you may meet her!

I was having a very cruddy morning!!

Kids all going crazy, husband off to work early leaving me to chaos solo, female stuff, house is a mess, tired from being up too late last night, out of cereal and we're racing the clock... Perfect ingredients to make a disaster!

Then i get a phonecall from a friend in the middle of it all! I was feeding bub at the time, and REALLY didn't want to stop what i was doing - but of course she wanted to talk to me.

She apologized for interrupting such a busy time of the morning (Well, why did you?? My head said) I will be quick (text would of been quicker i thought...) Just wanted to let you know i can take my child to school today so you don't need to rush to get here in time before school... (We've been collecting her daughter while their car is being fixed)

"Ok, cool" I said quickly, rudely, abruptly and regretted as soon as it left my lips.

"So... How have you been?" She said, obviously noticing my short fused response and frazzled tone perhaps??

"I'm sorry but i can't talk now sorry matey. It's crazy here and i need to keep up with it"

"Sure, no worries, we can talk later" and that was it.

-- I was thankful she was so understanding. I love friends who are tough and can take an honest response without me worrying if i've left them crying on the other end. These people i consider my close friends.

But that doesn't make what i did right.

"Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many."

Oh, that bitter root was there! and it certainly troubled me. It can then pass onto the child i raise my voice at to get ready faster, or the mum at school i don't talk to because I'm in a bitter mood. Or my friend on the phone, who has tasted my bitterness and may pass it onto whoever she meets. Or the children my children then come in contact with. My attitude has an amazing ripple effect... You know how your day can be ruined by one nasty tongued person??

But faking it doesn't work either. People can smell a fake a long way off. Especially children!

So after school drop off and back home again, giving up the plans i had made - i came to the Father, humbled, realising i needed to spend time with Him instead. He can heal me. He knows me better than anyone else, even myself.

"Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up." To the cross. To the cross. I find myself at the cross again, and i am refreshed and realigned. Thank You for your unfailing love my Father. Thank You for Your discipline.

I then went on to apologise to my friend (who said she didn't even notice! Good to see i can still hide my sin :-s ha ha. Jokes!!) and seek her forgiveness. People are too precious and Christ paid too much for these things to remain unresolved...

"As you endure this divine discipline, remember that God is treating you as his own children. Who ever heard of a child who is never disciplined by its father?"

My Father loves me SO much!

xK

Disappointed in my immediate family...

Was trying to work out the correct title for this post - as I'm referring to that 'family' that go to my 'church' - but I'm trying to not call church 'church' anymore as its only making things confusing. We, the people, are the 'church' and the building we gather in each week, formally known as the church, is just a building. Make sense? Clear as mud? Ha ha!

Anyway, I attended our buildings weekly prayer meeting yesterday. I'm not sure what other buildings practise, but ours has a 30minute spot, once a week, for corporate prayer. (There are 336 half hour spots in a full week. We give our God, the head of our body, one of those spots)

I know I'm living in a glass house, as it has been a long time since I've even attended, but usually there were about 7ish people in attendance, normally of some sort of leadership role in our church. Even for a church of a couple of hundred, I'd call that pretty sad.

Yesterday, I was the only one.

I know life is busy. It can really throw you at full speed if we let it! But unless we stop and make time to recognise our place in the order of life, aren't all our efforts meaningless? If we aren't connected to the vine, how can we see growth?

It was ultimately the head pastor I was looking forward to pray with. We are going through 1st Corinthians on Sunday mornings and he shared he often prays for the people in our building that we would see God in the concrete, rather than who we have created God to be in our heads. I liked that. It spoke deeply to me. How awesome to pray with someone who requests such things. Very cool.

The head pastor popped his head in the room after the allocated prayer time. I could see how apologetic he was, but I also saw how busy he was. Going from visiting the sick in hospital, now about to have a wedding that afternoon. He was full. And yet, he also seemed empty.

He made excuses for the other usual attendees - one teaching religion in school, another busy with his ministry of feeding the homeless. Maybe the rest were all at home praying individually?? Good reasons. That's love in action. But still, I couldn't help but wonder if they were doing the better choice.

We shared in a short prayer. Then both went onto our business....

Please Father. Forgive me when I forget you....

xK

Sleep isn't always better!

I argue with God a lot! :-) Writing it sounds so silly, but it's true.

Just this morning, as my eyes peered open, awoken with the sound of a little person with a grumbly tummy (weet-bix daddy?) and my husband quickly takes my child from the room so I can continue sleeping. It's
early. Very early. And I want to pretend I'm not awake.

BUT YOU ARE AWAKE
Yeah, but I can easily go back to sleep and I should!
WHY SHOULD YOU?
Because I need more sleep
WHY DO YOU NEED MORE SLEEP?
Otherwise I'll be tired today God. I don't know what's ahead in my day
I DO
Yes, true.
WOULDN'T IT BE BETTER TO RISE AND TALK WITH SOMEONE WHO KNOWS?
Yes, but you won't tell me what's ahead
THAT'S NOT FOR YOU TO KNOW. YOU JUST NEED TO REMEMBER WHERE I AM
Holding my hand. Guiding me. Yes, I know. But what if I get tired later?
THAT'S GOOD. THEN YOU WILL NEED ME MORE TO HELP YOU
Or cranky? I get cranky when tired, You know that. You made me like that!
SOUNDS LIKE YOU COULD DO WITH PATIENCE
Yes please Father!
HOW DO I TEACH PATIENCE?
Hmmm.... By giving situations to be patient in.
YES. IN THOSE HARD TIMES, STOP, ASK ME, AND I WILL LIFT YOU UP
Ok ok, I guess I'll get up. But how is the sunrise this morning God? Is it worth it?
I'M ALWAYS WORTH IT

So, here I sit by the pool, once again 'loosing' another battle, as I drink in the radience of another beautiful day, another powerful and faithful sunrise, another taste of yummy daily bread, another moment of peace that extra sleep will never be able to achieve.
And through His word, He speaks concrete into my heart:

Luke 6
One day soon afterward Jesus went up on a mountain to pray, and he prayed to God all night.

How can I argue with Him? His own Son, here on Earth, in bodily form, knew it was better to pray all night then to sleep. He always chooses wisely. And this man, who has seen God, been in the presense of God, who IS God, STILL got up and prayed all night.

When I get up early, my heart finds peace. My mind is settled. My compass is realigned with my mission here on Earth. He is worth it. Every single time I've awoken - He is worth it.

Can you please keep me accountable? For I fear when my children sleep longer or stop waking at night, that I will become lazy. Tired. Stubborn. Remind me I need the Father. I need to be near Him. Ask me if I saw His sunrise this morning.... Thanks :-)

xK

Oh - and I'll post some photos soon when I actually look at this blog via computer (have been using mobile, so please excuse typos!) of His beauty in the morning. Although photos NEVER do sunrises justice. In Su.rise photos, you only see a small portion of a 360 display.

He is unfailing and faithful and I now look forward to a day ahead with Him :-)